60 Bisexual Puns That Swing Both Ways

Bi puns are one of those things where the English language just hands you a gift. Like, the prefix “bi-” is sitting right there in dozens of common words, and honestly it feels rude NOT to make puns about it. Some of these are clever. Some of these are crimes against wordplay. I’m including all of them because that’s the kind of chaotic energy we’re working with today.

1. The Opener

Bi the way, my heart’s open to everyone.

(I know. I KNOW. We’re starting obvious. It gets better. Probably.)

2. The Gym One

My love for all genders gives me strong bi-ceps. I can lift anyone up, emotionally, physically, doesn’t matter.

3.

I’m not bi-curious. I’m bi-serious.

4. The One I’m Actually Proud Of

My love life doesn’t bi-furcate, it just expands. See, “bifurcate” means to split into two branches, and the whole point is that being bi isn’t about splitting yourself in half. It’s about the opposite. I genuinely think this one’s clever and I will not be taking criticism on it.

5.

What do you call a bisexual person who’s also a polyglot? Bi-lingual in more ways than one.

6. The Instagram Caption Block

• I don’t have a bi-as, I just love who I love. 💖💜💙
• Bi-cycling through life, enjoying ALL the views.
• No preference. Just good taste.

Any of those work as a caption. The third one is probably gonna get the most likes tbh.

7.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took both.

Robert Frost didn’t mean it this way but Robert Frost is dead and I have an agenda.

8. The Political One

My heart is bi-partisan, it votes for love on both sides of the aisle. And unlike actual bipartisanship, it actually works.

9.

Why did the bisexual bring binoculars to the pride parade? To appreciate the view from every angle.

10.

“I swing both ways.”
“Like a door?”
“Like a door with great follow-through.”

11. The Tech Pun

My heart runs on a dual-core processor. Handles multiple attractions with zero lag.

12.

My love isn’t bi-nary. It’s a full-spectrum algorithm.

I work in software and I’ve been waiting MONTHS to use that one on someone. It landed poorly at the office holiday party but it’s landing here, dammit.

13. The Stretch

My love is like a bi-scuit, warm and welcoming to all.

That barely works. I’m sorry. Moving on.

14.

Some people think my love life is bi-zarre. I think it’s bi-autiful.

15.

I told my friend I was bi and she said “that’s a bi-g deal!” and I said “no, it’s actually no bi-g deal at all” and then we both stood there for a second realizing we’d accidentally made the same pun from opposite directions.

16. The Baseball One

They call me a switch hitter. Good from both sides of the plate, and my batting average is phenomenal.

Quick tangent, the “switch hitter” thing has been bisexual slang since at least the 1950s and I think that’s kind of beautiful? Like bisexuals have been making sports metaphors for seven decades. We’re consistent.

17.

My love life is like a bi-plane. Soaring high on two sets of wings, and honestly the view up here is incredible.

18.

I appreciate both sides of the coin. And the edge.

19. One I’m Embarrassed About

I’m not afraid to take a bi-te out of life, no matter who’s serving.

Yeah, that’s… that’s a reach. We’re reaching. Let’s keep going.

20.

You could say I’m ambidextrous with my heart, I can love with both hands.

21. The Scheduling Pun

My dating life is bi-monthly. Open to new experiences twice a month. Or whenever. The schedule’s flexible, like me.

22.

Why do bisexual people make great diplomats? They’re always reaching across the aisle.

23.

My love doesn’t bi-pass anyone. It embraces all.

24. The Nerdy One (and a personal favorite)

My sexuality is like a bi-ennial plant, it blooms every season, not just the ones you’d expect. If you know anything about horticulture, you know bi-ennials have this whole complicated two-year life cycle where they flower in the second year, and honestly that’s kind of a perfect metaphor for coming out later in life? Anyway I grew up on a farm and this pun hits different for me. I’m giving it five stars.

25.

I see love on a full spectrum. Not just black and white.

26.

• Bi-g heart. Bi-g dreams. Bi-g energy.
• That’s the whole caption. That’s the post.

27. The Optics Pun

I need bi-focals for my love life, gotta appreciate the beauty up close AND from a distance.

28.

“So you’re bisexual?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s that like?”
“You know how at a buffet you don’t have to pick just the salad bar OR just the hot food section?”
“…Yeah?”
“It’s nothing like that actually, but the metaphor was fun for a second.”

29.

My heart is an all-inclusive resort. Everyone’s welcome. Complimentary drinks.

30. The One That’s Barely a Pun

I like a bi-t of everything when it comes to attraction.

I’m not even going to defend that one. It’s filler and we both know it.

31.

My sexuality is fluid, like a river flowing in all directions. Also like a river, it confuses people who think water should only go one way.

32. The Chemistry One

Being bi is like being a catalyst in a reaction, I don’t change, I just make interesting things happen around me. (Okay this one’s more of a chemistry metaphor than a pun but I have a degree I’m not using and I need to justify it somehow.)

33.

I don’t do half and half. I do all and all.

34.

What do you call a bisexual person in a committed relationship? Whatever their name is. They’re still bi.

That’s not really a pun. That’s just facts. But I’m including it because people need to hear it apparently.

35. The Music Theory One

My love life is bi-tonal, I can harmonize in two keys at once. If you’ve ever studied polytonality in 20th century composition, you know that bi-tonal pieces sound dissonant to people who only understand one key, but they’re actually incredibly rich and complex. Stravinsky would get it.

36.

Being bi puts a bi-g smile on my face. Every single day.

37.

I told my therapist my love life was bi-directional and she said “that’s healthy” and charged me $200.

38. The Honest One

My love life isn’t bi-polar. It’s just bi-directional. There’s a difference. A big one. (Also, can we retire bi-polar jokes in general? Thanks.)

39.

I’m not into bi-gamy. Just bi-attraction.

40.

Equal opportunity lover. Everyone gets a fair shot. Apply within.

41. The Obscure Literary One

My love life is like a bi-lingual edition of Rilke, you read one side and it’s beautiful, you flip to the other side and it’s ALSO beautiful, and the experience of holding both at once is the whole point. Ngl, this one only works if you’ve bought those dual-language poetry books from the bookstore, but if you have, you’re nodding right now.

42.

My heart is flexible. It bends towards anyone I’m attracted to, and my yoga instructor says my emotional range of motion is exceptional.

43. Rapid Fire Round

• Bi-g plans for my love life. All of them involve wonderful people.
• Bi-g picture thinker. The picture includes everyone.
• Bi-g adventure energy. Every day.

Okay I’ll stop with the “bi-g” variations. Kinda ran that one into the ground.

44.

My love life is perfectly balanced, like a tightrope walker with two poles. And the crowd below is very attractive.

45. The Text You’d Send Your Friend at 1am

just realized “bi yourself” works as both a pun AND a threat. goodnight.

46.

Why do bisexual people make great bridge players? They’re comfortable playing both hands.

(This works on like three levels if you actually play bridge and I will die on this hill.)

47.

I’m a bridge, connecting hearts across all divides. Structural engineering but make it romantic.

48. The Bad One I Love Anyway

What’s a bisexual person’s favorite type of math? Bi-nomial expressions.

That’s terrible. That’s genuinely terrible. I wrote it and I felt my math teacher spinning in her grave and she’s not even dead.

49.

My compass for love is bi-directional, pointing to all possibilities. True north is wherever the cute people are.

50. The Milestone

We’ve hit fifty and I’m not slowing down. My capacity for puns, much like my capacity for attraction, is apparently limitless.

I don’t just find the middle ground, I embrace the whole field.

51.

Being bi is like having surround sound for attraction. Mono is fine. Stereo is great. But bi? That’s full Dolby Atmos.

52.

“Are you bi?”
“Bi-yond a doubt.”

53. The Marine Biology One

A lot of fish species are actually sequentially bi-sexual, they can change sex during their lifetime. So next time someone says “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” just know that some of those fish literally get it.

54.

I’m having a bi-t of fun exploring all the wonderful people out there.

55. Another Instagram-Ready One

Not a phase. Not confused. Just bi and having a great time. 🌙✨

56.

My love is double the fun, double the possibilities, and double the awkward conversations at Thanksgiving.

57. The One Where I Got Distracted

You know what? The bi pride flag colors are pink, purple, and blue, and those are genuinely just gorgeous colors together. Like even if you took the symbolism out, it’s aesthetically top tier. Anyway, my love life is like the bi flag: layered, colorful, and it looks great on a tote bag.

58.

I’m so versatile in my affections, I should come with an adapter plug.

59. The Last Bad One, I Promise

What’s a bisexual’s favorite punctuation? The semicolon; it connects two independent clauses.

I’m not sorry. Okay I’m a little sorry.

60. The Closer

My love life is like a good bi-ography, long, interesting, full of unexpected chapters, and way better when you don’t skip to the end.

Bi for now. (Sorry.) (Not sorry.)