55 Donkey Puns That Are Absolutely Ass-inine

Donkeys don’t get enough credit. They’re stubborn, loud, and honestly kind of hilarious looking, and yet we’ve somehow collectively decided horses are the cool ones? Horses are just donkeys with better PR. Anyway, I’ve been sitting on a frankly unreasonable number of donkey puns and I need to get them out of my system.

1. The Opener

That stubborn donkey is a real pain in the ass.

(Yeah, we’re starting with the obvious one. Get it out of the way. Like ripping off a bandage.)

2. What do you call a donkey with a PhD?

A smart ass.

3.

Tried to have a serious conversation with my donkey yesterday. He just kept making an ass of himself.

4. The Parking Violation

Why did the donkey get a ticket? For double-parking his ass.

I’m genuinely proud of this one even though I didn’t write it. Someone out there deserves a medal.

5.

My donkey’s been hitting the gym. He’s got a kick-ass physique.

6.

I told my donkey a secret and he brayed about it to the whole barn. What an ass.

7-9. Rapid Fire Round

• Donkey see, donkey do.
• That donkey’s so lazy, all he does is sit on his ass all day.
• My donkey tried stand-up comedy. His delivery was a little hoarse. Wait, wrong animal. Whatever, I’m keeping it.

10.

Why did the donkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken. Okay FINE, that one’s barely a donkey pun. More of a crossover episode.

11. This One’s Actually Good

I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, that donkey’s talent show performance was ass-tounding.

This works as an Instagram caption, tbh. Screenshot it. Use it. I don’t need credit. (I do need credit. Tag me.)

12.

What do you call a donkey that keeps changing its mind? A flip-flopping burro.

13.

My donkey started a podcast. It’s mostly just him braying into the mic for forty-five minutes. So basically every podcast.

14.

Donkey Kong is my favorite video game. An ass-olute classic.

15.

Why don’t donkeys ever win at poker? They always show their hand when they bray.

Side note, have you ever actually watched a donkey eat? They look so aggressively unbothered. Like they’re chewing with contempt. I respect it deeply.

16. The One I’m Sending to My Group Chat

Just found out donkeys can live up to 50 years. That’s a long time to be an ass.

17.

What’s a donkey’s favorite type of music? Hip-hop. Because of all the hee-hawing.

That was a stretch. I know. Moving on.

18.

“I asked the donkey if he wanted to go for a walk.”
“What’d he say?”
“Nothing. He just dug his heels in. Classic.”

19.

Why did the donkey start a business? He had a real knack for hauling ass.

20. A Favorite

My donkey applied for a job at the post office. Said he had years of experience as a pack animal and was great at delivering under pressure. They turned him down, said he was overqualified but under-saddle-fied. I’ve been thinking about this pun for three days and I refuse to apologize for it.

21.

What do donkeys eat for breakfast? Bray-n flakes.

22.

You’re not a donkey person until you’ve been kicked and still said “aw, he didn’t mean it.”

23.

That donkey is so fashionable. A real bad ass.

24-26. The Ass-orted Collection

• Ass-ume nothing about a donkey’s intelligence.
• That donkey’s got an ass-tonishing work ethic.
• The whole barn gave him an ass-essment and he passed with flying colors.

(Yes, I just did three ass-prefix puns in a row. No, I don’t feel bad about it. Okay maybe a little.)

27.

Why did the donkey break up with the horse? She said he was too much of a mule-tiplier of drama.

28.

Ngl, if I were a donkey I’d simply choose not to be stubborn. How hard can it be.

29. For the Biology Nerds

A male donkey is called a jack, a female is a jenny, and a cross with a horse is a mule. Which means every mule is technically a half-ass effort.

THIS ONE. This is the one. I peaked here. Everything after this is downhill and I’ve made peace with that.

30.

What did the donkey say to the motivational speaker? “Quit bray-nwashing me.”

31.

My donkey refuses to walk through puddles. He’s got a real aversion to getting his ass wet.

32.

I named my donkey “Grace” because there’s nothing funnier than watching Grace trip over a fence post.

33. The Niche One

In Catalonia, there’s a donkey symbol called the “Burro Català” that people put on their cars as an alternative to the bull. So technically, road rage in Spain comes with competing livestock bumper stickers. That’s not even a pun, that’s just a delightful fact. But also: talk about a real burro-cratic dispute.

34.

Why are donkeys terrible at hide and seek? Because they’re always making an ass of themselves.

Yeah I basically already used that one. Sue me.

35.

📱 Text to friend: “Running late, my Uber driver is a total jackass”
📱 Friend: “Rude”
📱 You: [photo of actual donkey pulling a cart]

36.

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

I’m so sorry. That one’s terrible and I love it.

37.

Donkeys are basically the middle children of the equine family. Too sturdy to be pretty, too small to be taken seriously. Just out there hauling stuff and getting no recognition. I feel that on a spiritual level.

38.

My donkey keeps eating my garden. He’s a real grass ass.

39. Deep Cut for the Lit Majors

In “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” Bottom gets turned into a donkey. Shakespeare literally wrote a whole ass transformation scene. The original body horror comedy. If Nick Bottom were alive today he’d have a TikTok about it.

40.

What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonkey.

WONKEY. Come on. That’s clean. That’s elegant. That’s going on a t-shirt.

41.

My donkey and I entered a race. We came in last. But hey, we hauled ass the whole way.

42-44. The Emotional Arc

• My donkey looked sad today. I think he’s feeling a little down in the bray.
• I tried cheering him up with carrots. He said he needed more than a band-hay-d solution.
• Eventually he perked up. Turns out he just needed some ass-urance.

45.

Why did the donkey go to the doctor? He was feeling a little horse.

AGAIN with the horse crossover. I can’t help it. They’re adjacent species and adjacent puns. The Venn diagram is basically a circle.

46.

You ever notice how donkeys always look like they’re judging you? That side-eye is unmatched. They’ve got resting bray-ch face.

47. The History Pun Nobody Asked For

Donkeys were first domesticated around 3000 BCE in Africa, making them one of the earliest working animals. They’ve literally been putting up with our nonsense for five thousand years. That’s not stubbornness, that’s long-ass patience.

48.

“Honey, I think we should get a donkey.”
“Are you serious?”
“Dead serious. I’ve done the math. The property’s big enough.”
“You’re making an ass out of both of us.”

49.

What do you call a sleeping donkey? A nap-sack.

…because they carry packs? And they’re napping? Look, I didn’t say they were all winners.

50. The Milestone

We’ve hit fifty puns. Fifty. My donkey would be proud if he could count. (He can’t. He’s a donkey.)

51.

Instagram caption energy: “Out here living my burro-geois lifestyle 🫏”

52.

Why don’t donkeys use social media? Too many trolls, not enough hay.

53.

My donkey tried yoga. Couldn’t do downward dog. Kept insisting on downward donk.

54. The One That’s Barely a Pun and I Know It

Donkeys can hear other donkeys from up to 60 miles away. Which means gossip travels fast in donkey communities. The original long-distance ass-to-ass communication.

I regret nothing and everything simultaneously. Wait, I’m not supposed to use that word. I regret nothing and everything at the same time.

55.

What did the donkey say when he fell off the cliff? “Hee-haw-ly crap!”

56.

Fun fact: a group of donkeys is called a “pace.” So if you see a bunch of them together, they’re technically setting the pace. Idk why that’s so funny to me but it is.

57-59. The Grand Finale Cluster

• That donkey’s got no filter. He says whatever’s on his bray-n.
• My donkey won the lottery. Now he’s got more bucks than a rodeo. (This is a horse/donkey gray area pun and I stand by it.)
• Asked my donkey if he wanted pizza. He said “hee-haw about pineapple?” and I’ve never been more disappointed in an animal.

60. For the Shrek Fans

Donkey from Shrek married a dragon and had flying donkey-dragon babies. That’s not a pun, that’s just canon. But it does prove one thing, that donkey had a fire ass relationship.

61.

What’s a donkey’s favorite day of the week? Mule-nday. Because nobody likes it but you just gotta push through.

62.

Sent this to my sister: “You’re one in a mule-ion 🫏❤️” and she blocked me for six hours.

63.

Why did the donkey start meditating? He needed to find his inner burro.

Okay I think that’s where I’ll leave it. Sixty-three puns deep and my dignity is in shambles. If you made it this far, congratulations, you’ve got the patience of a donkey. Which, honestly? Highest compliment I can give.

One more for the road: life’s too short to, nah, I promised I wouldn’t do that. Just go hug a donkey. They’ve earned it.