The Clawsiest Lobster Puns (60 and Counting)

Lobster puns are one of those things where you start making them and genuinely cannot stop. I’ve been sitting here for two hours and my notes app looks like a Red Lobster menu had a baby with a dad joke book. Some of these are great. Some of them should be thrown back in the ocean. Here they are anyway.

1. The Classic Opener

You’re absolutely claw-some.

I know, I know. But you can’t do a lobster puns list without it. It’s the law. (Claw? No, I’ll save that.)

2. Pinch me, I’m dreaming!

This one works so well as an Instagram caption with a lobster dinner pic that I’m genuinely annoyed I didn’t come up with it first. Someone on a beach vacation in Maine beat me to it circa 2019. I’m still recovering.

3. The Bisque-y Business Cluster

• Getting into the lobster business? That’s a bisque-y situation.
• I asked the chef if the soup was good. He said it was bisque-ond compare.
• She left her corporate job to sell lobster soup. A real bisque-taker.

Three bisque puns in a row. I’m not sorry. Actually, the third one is pretty bad. I’m a little sorry about that one.

4.

Don’t be shellfish, share your lobster roll with me.

5. A Personal Favorite

What do you call a lobster who won’t share their dinner? A shell-centered individual.

I wrote this one at 2am and laughed for way too long. My partner asked if I was okay. I was not.

6.

I told my friend I was nervous about cooking lobster for the first time. He said, “Don’t worry, just get crackin’!” Thanks, Dave. Incredibly helpful.

7.

“How’s the lobster?” “Un-shell-ievable.”

8. The One I’m Most Proud Of

Did you know lobsters can live to be over 100 years old? They really know how to claw their way through life. But here’s the real kicker, they also keep growing their entire lives, which means somewhere out there is a lobster the size of a dog who’s seen more history than your grandma. That’s not a pun, that’s just a terrifying fact I needed to share.

9.

You’re my butter half. 🧈❤️

(Send this to your partner. Right now. Do it.)

10.

Let’s shell-ebrate!

11.

I’m feeling a bit claw-strophobic in this lobster trap of an apartment.

12. For the Marine Biology Nerds

Why don’t lobsters ever get cancer? Because they’ve got a real telomer-ace up their sleeve. (Lobsters produce telomerase indefinitely, which is why they show negligible senescence. Look it up. Then come back and appreciate this pun properly.)

13.

This is gonna be a tail to remember.

14.

What do you call a lobster that’s good at baseball? A pinch-hitter.

15. The Butter Sequence

I’m just trying to butter you up. No, seriously, pass the clarified butter, this lobster tail isn’t gonna dip itself.

16.

Why did the lobster blush? Because the sea weed.

Okay that’s technically a general ocean pun. I’m including it anyway because it’s too good and lobsters DO live in the sea so it counts. My blog, my rules.

17.

You’re the best. No ifs, ands, or crustaceans.

18.

I’m having a lob-star moment right now.

19. The Niche One

What do you call a lobster’s molting phase? An exo-skeleton key to personal growth.

This is a stretch. I know it’s a stretch. Lobsters molt up to 25 times in their first five years of life though, and I think that deserves a pun even if the pun is mediocre at best.

20.

Snap decision: we’re having lobster tonight.

21.

I’m red-y for anything!

Caption-ready. Beach-ready. Lobster-bib-ready.

22.

You’re making me blush. And not just because I’ve been in boiling water for twelve minutes.

23. The Deep Cut

Why did the lobster refuse to fight? He was a pacifist, specifically, a Pacific lobster. Except wait, most lobsters are Atlantic. You know what, this pun has problems and I’m leaving all of them in.

24.

Don’t get your claws in a twist.

25.

A lobster walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” The lobster said, “That’s fine, I’m just here for the claw-ctails.”

26.

What a catch!

27. I Love This One

I asked a lobster for directions. He pointed me toward the crust-station.

CRUST-STATION. Like a train station but crustacean? I’m gonna need a moment. This is the hill I die on. This is my magnum opus. Everything after this is downhill.

28.

You’re a real shell-stopper.

29.

Feeling a bit boiled over about the price of lobster these days. Forty-two dollars a pound? In this economy?

Quick tangent: has anyone else noticed that lobster used to be prison food? Like, literally in colonial America, they fed it to inmates because it was considered disgusting. And now I’m paying my rent equivalent for a lobster dinner in Manhattan. The crustacean industrial complex got us good.

30.

This is a deep-sea-cret, but I like you more than lobster. And I really like lobster.

31.

I’m just trying to make ends meat. Specifically, lobster meat.

32. The Romantic Cluster

• You’re my main squeeze 🦞
• I’m totally hooked on you
• We’re claw-ly meant to be

All three of these work as texts to send someone you’re dating. Trust me. Or don’t. I’m a pun blogger, not a relationship counselor.

33.

I’m feeling a bit out of my shell today.

34.

Why don’t lobsters share? Because they’re a little shellfish. Yeah, I already did a version of this one. Sometimes puns circle back. Like lobsters in a tank going nowhere.

35. For the Foodies

What do you call a lobster thermidor that’s too hot? A thermi-DOOR to hell.

Terrible. Genuinely terrible. I typed it and I should have deleted it but here we are.

36.

I tried to tell a lobster pun at dinner but I claw-ked under pressure.

37.

“How was your vacation in Maine?”
“It was claw-some. Ate my weight in lobster. No regrets.”
“How’s your cholesterol?”
“We don’t talk about that.”

38.

You’re a true lob-ster-piece.

39. The Science One Nobody Asked For

Did you know lobsters communicate by peeing at each other’s faces? That’s not a pun, that’s just real. They have urine nozzles near their eyes. I bring this up because: urine for a surprise if you thought lobster puns would be classy.

Nailed it. Moving on.

40.

This tough nut to crack turned out to be a tough shell to crack. Same energy.

41.

I’m feeling snappy today.

42.

What did the lobster say to the crab at the party? “You’re looking a little sideways tonight.” That’s not even a pun tbh, crabs just literally walk sideways. Sometimes I just write crustacean dialogue and call it content.

43. The Sentimental One

Fun fact: lobsters hold claws when they walk together. So yeah. I’m so glad we claw-nnected. 🦞🦞

(I fact-checked this and it might only be when they’re being led somewhere? Either way it’s adorable and I’m using it.)

44.

Claw-ver girl.

That’s it. That’s the pun. Jurassic Park voice.

45.

I’m just going with the flow. The ocean flow. Because I’m a lobster. Look, not every one of these can be a winner.

46. Another Favorite

What do you call a lobster who becomes a lawyer? A claw-yer who really knows how to work pro-bono on a shell corporation case.

There are THREE puns in that sentence and I will not be taking questions. I’m counting it as one entry because I have the power to do that.

47.

Let’s make some waves tonight 🌊🦞

48.

Why did the lobster get promoted? He was outstanding in his field. Wait, that’s a scarecrow joke. Why did the lobster get promoted? He was outstanding on his reef. Better? Worse? Idk.

49. The Obscure One

What do you call a lobster’s favorite neurotransmitter? Sero-CLAW-nin.

But honestly the real niche fact is that lobsters have serotonin-based social hierarchies. Dominant lobsters have higher serotonin levels. Jordan Peterson talked about this a lot and somehow made it weird, but the biology is genuinely fascinating.

50. The Halfway-Past-Halfway Mark

We’re deep in it now. Like a lobster in a trench. (They can live at depths of over 2,000 feet. Why do I know this. Why can’t I use this brain space for something useful.)

51.

You’re a true crustacean of character.

52.

“I think we should see other people.”
“Are you saying… we’re in hot water?”
“I’m saying you keep making lobster puns and I can’t take it anymore.”
“So you’re saying I need to… come out of my shell?”
“I’m calling a lawyer.”
“A claw-yer?”

53.

This is a deep subject. Almost as deep as the continental shelf where our friend Homarus americanus hangs out. (That’s the scientific name for the American lobster. You’re welcome for the dinner party ammunition.)

54.

I’m trying to stay current. Ocean current. Get it? You get it.

55. The Terrible Trio

• I’m having a claw-ful day (awful)
• That movie was claw-dropping (jaw-dropping)
• She’s very claw-tious (cautious)

These are all just “put claw in a word” and I’m running out of steam but I REFUSE to quit before 60.

56.

What do lobsters do on their birthday? Shell-ebrate with a party on the ocean floor. I already used shell-ebrate earlier. I don’t care. It’s a good pun. It deserves two appearances.

57.

Just trying to make a splash at this dinner party. *aggressively dips lobster in butter*

58. The One That Requires Lobster Trap Knowledge

Why did the lobster trust the fisherman? Because he seemed like a real keeper. (In lobster fishing, there’s a minimum carapace size, lobsters below the legal size have to be thrown back. The ones big enough are called “keepers.” This pun works on exactly two levels and both of them are niche. I love it.)

59.

I told my lobster a joke but he didn’t laugh. Guess it wasn’t his cup of sea.

That’s a stretch. That’s barely a lobster pun. That’s an ocean pun at best. We’re at 59 though and I’ve made my choices.

60.

Are lobster puns good? Eh. Are they claw-ful? Sometimes. Will I keep making them? Ab-shell-utely.

Gonna go eat a lobster roll now. If you need me, I’ll be the one at the restaurant whispering puns to myself while my friends pretend they don’t know me. Claw and order. There. One more for the road. 🦞