53 Neck Puns That Are a Pain in the Neck

Necks are objectively the funniest body part. I will not be taking questions on this. They connect your head to your body like some kind of biological afterthought, they’re weirdly vulnerable, and the English language has stuffed so many idioms into them that the puns practically write themselves. Some of these I’m proud of. Some of them are crimes. Let’s go.

1. The Classic

My boss asked me to work overtime again this weekend. What a pain in the neck, and honestly, both meanings apply because I’ve been hunched over this desk since Tuesday.

2. Neck-cessity is the mother of invention

Good posture isn’t optional. It’s a neck-cessity.

I know, I know. We’re starting simple. Trust me, they get weirder.

3. The Loyal Friend

“Would you really lie to your boss for me?”

“Of course. I’m always willing to stick my neck out for you.”

4.

This pain is un-neck-ceptable.

5. The Race

Two giraffes competing in a marathon, and the announcer goes, “They’re neck and neck!” which, for giraffes, covers about six feet of overlap.

6.

Why did the chiropractor break up with the massage therapist? There was too much tension in the relationship, and neither one could work the kinks out.

7. Sorry in advance for this one

I’ve been feeling really neck-ligent about my stretching routine lately. Like, criminally so. If there were a court for spinal neglect, I’d be doing time.

8.

Don’t neck-lect your posture.

(That’s it. That’s the whole pun. Put it on a sticky note on your monitor. You’re welcome.)

9-11. Rapid fire round:

• Wearing a turtleneck to hide a hickey is what I call a neck-essary evil.
• My new ergonomic pillow? Neck-cellent purchase.
• The way I craned my neck to see that car accident? Absolutely neck-sploitative behavior on my part.

12.

I told my friend I slept wrong and now I can’t turn my head. She said, “Sounds like you really can’t turn over a new leaf either.” Cold. Accurate, but cold.

13. One for the anatomy nerds

The seven cervical vertebrae walked into a bar. The bartender said, “C1 through C7? That’s quite the lineup.” The atlas said, “I carry the weight around here.” The axis just shrugged, well, rotated.

If you got that one, you either failed or aced anatomy. No in-between.

14.

Feeling stiff-necked today, and I mean that in every possible way. Physically can’t move it. Emotionally refuse to.

15.

What do you call a neck that’s always complaining? A cervical whiner. (Cervical spine → cervical whine → I’m not proud of this one but it exists now and we all have to live with it.)

16. Instagram caption energy

Necklace game strong. Neck game stronger. 💪

17.

I need to neck-ercise more. My physical therapist says this. My yoga teacher says this. My neck says this, in the form of crunching sounds when I look left.

18.

Why are necks terrible at keeping secrets? Because they’re always connected to a mouth.

19. This one’s a stretch (literally)

My neck is so sore I can barely neck-tivate my muscles. Yeah, that’s a reach. Almost as much of a reach as me trying to look over my shoulder right now.

20.

Rednecks, roughnecks, bottlenecks, rubbernecks, the English language really put the neck through it, huh? That word has been working overtime for centuries and nobody’s given it a raise.

21.

Don’t get your neck in a twist. Unless you’re an owl. Then twist away, you magnificent freak.

22-24. The necklace trilogy:

• I bought a cheap necklace and it turned my neck green. That’s what I get for cutting chokers.
• A necklace is just a leash for your neck that you put on yourself. Fashion is weird.
• What’s a neck’s favorite jewelry? A choker, obviously. It’s right there in the name.

25. Genuinely proud of this one

A giraffe walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?” The giraffe says, “Buddy, it’s not the face that’s long.” The bartender pours him a tall one. It takes forty-five minutes to go down.

I workshopped this for way too long. The “forty-five minutes to go down” part is the bit that makes it, tbh, because giraffe esophageal transit is genuinely wild. Their recurrent laryngeal nerve takes a fifteen-foot detour. Nature is unhinged.

26.

He’s got a lot of neck showing up here after what he did.

27.

What did the vampire say to his therapist? “I have a lot of necks-iety.”

28.

Gonna neck-otiate my way out of this chiropractor bill. Wish me luck.

29. For the text thread

woke up and my neck chose violence today 🦒

30.

Why did the neck go to school? To get a little more ed-ju-neck-tion.

That was terrible. I’m leaving it in because I’ve committed to this bit and quitting now would be cowardice.

31.

My neck has more cracks than my phone screen and I’ve replaced neither.

32. The one that requires music theory

Why do guitar players always talk about their necks? Because without a good neck, you can’t fret about anything.

Frets. On the neck. Of a guitar. If you don’t play an instrument this one sailed right over your head, which is fine, at least you could turn your head to watch it go, unlike me, because again, my neck is destroyed.

33.

I tried to write a song about my neck pain but I couldn’t find the right chord. (See? Guitar neck. I’m doing a whole bit here.)

34.

What do you call a dinosaur with a sore neck? A bronto-sore-us. I’m not even sorry.

35. Niche one for the beer people

The bottleneck at the brewery was causing a real bottleneck in production, which was ironic because the actual bottleneck was literally the bottle necks. Three layers of neck. You’re welcome, homebrewers.

36.

My friend said I was being too dramatic about my stiff neck. I told her she was being very ju-neck-mental.

37-38.

Vampires are just really committed neck enthusiasts. Think about it, they’ve built an entire lifestyle around necks. They network through necks. Their whole thing is necks-level dedication.

39.

What’s a neck’s least favorite game? Hangman. Dark? Yes. Moving on.

40.

I’m not rubbernecking. I’m conducting an informal traffic study. With my neck.

41. Send this to someone you love

You’re the neck-st best thing that ever happened to me ❤️

42.

Why was the turtleneck sweater so arrogant? It thought it was above everyone. Well, wrapped around everyone who’s above everyone. The joke works better if you don’t think about it too hard.

43.

Honestly, the fact that “necking” means making out is one of the English language’s wildest choices. Who decided that? When? I have questions that no etymologist has satisfactorily answered.

44.

I asked my doctor about my neck pain and she said it was a connection issue between my head and my body. Technically correct.

45. The Accountant

My neck injury is tax deductible if it happened at work. So now every neck problem I’ve ever had happened at work. That’s just good neck-onomics.

46.

Neck puns are a lot like neck cracks, you know you shouldn’t, it’s probably bad for you, but once you start you kinda can’t stop.

47-49. The animal round:

• Flamingos have the most dramatic necks in the animal kingdom and they know it. Main character energy.
• A swan’s neck is basically cursive. Elegant, confusing, and mostly decorative.
• What do you call a snake? An all-neck, no-shoulder situation. (This barely qualifies as a pun. I’m including it because I think it’s funny and this is my blog.)

50. The halfway-ish point existential crisis

I’ve now written the word “neck” so many times it doesn’t look like a real word anymore. Semantic satiation. Neck. Neck. It’s just shapes now. Four letters that mean nothing. Anyway.

51.

What did one vertebra say to the other? “I’ve got your back.” But like, specifically the back of the neck. The cervical region. C4 to C5, if we’re being precise.

52.

My neck is so tense it could crack walnuts. This is not a pun, it’s a cry for help. But also: neck-racker. There. Pun achieved.

53. For the history people

Henry VIII’s wives had a complicated relationship with necks. Some of them really lost their heads over him. Too dark? It’s been 500 years, I think we’re fine. Anne Boleyn would’ve wanted us to laugh. Probably. Idk.

54.

I’m reading a book about neck injuries. Can’t put it down. (Because I physically cannot look down.)

55.

What do you call a haunted neck? A creepy nape. Nape. Creep. Creepy nape. I’ll see myself out.

56. This one’s actually clever and I need you to acknowledge that

A friend asked me what the sternocleidomastoid does. I told him it’s the muscle that lets you shake your head “no”, which is exactly what everyone does when I tell them I write pun blogs for fun.

The sternocleidomastoid is genuinely one of the coolest muscle names. It sounds like a dinosaur. It connects behind your ear to your collarbone and sternum. I looked this up. I have become a neck scholar against my will.

57.

Caption this: just got a neck massage and I’m a new person. Neck-st chapter starts now. ✨

58.

“How’s your neck doing?”

“It’s holding up.”

“…that’s literally its only job.”

59.

I tried acupuncture for my neck. It was a very pointed experience. Ngl, that one works on like three levels and I refuse to explain any of them.

60-62. The grand finale cluster

My neck cracked so loud in a meeting that Karen from accounting asked if I was okay. I told her it was just my body’s way of applauding my terrible posture. She did not laugh. Karen never laughs.

What’s a neck’s favorite type of music? Wrap. (As in, wrapped around, look, they can’t all be winners.)

And finally: I’ve been told I should branch out from neck puns. But I’ve really stuck my neck out here, gone neck-deep into the research, and I’m not about to neck-lect this craft now. Some might call it a pain in the neck. I call it a neck-cessity.

Anyway, my neck hurts from writing this. Full circle.