64 Octopus Puns That Are Ink-redibly Funny

Octopuses are objectively the weirdest animals we’ve all just collectively agreed to think are cool. Three hearts, blue blood, can fit through any hole larger than their beak, which, yeah, they have a beak. I’ve been sitting on these puns for way too long and honestly some of them have been marinating so long they might have gone bad. You’ll be able to tell which ones.

1. The Classic Opener

What’s an octopus’s favorite dessert? Octo-pie. Eight of them, obviously.

2.

I told my friend I was writing octopus puns and she said “how many?” and I said “a kraken good amount” and she blocked me for six hours.

3. Honestly proud of this one

Why did the octopus go to therapy? It had deep-sea-ted issues.

I’ve been waiting MONTHS to use that. It works on like three levels if you think about it long enough. Octopuses actually do live in the deep sea. They also probably need therapy given everything we put them through in aquariums. This is my magnum opus and we’re only on number three.

4.

Why are octopuses so romantic? They’re suckers for love.

5.

What did the octopus say to its buddy at the bar? “What’s kraken?”

6. Rapid-fire round

• An octopus’s favorite pool game? Eight-ball.
• Favorite music format? Eight-track.
• Favorite TV show? Eight Is Enough.

Look, when you have eight arms, the “eight” puns kinda write themselves. I’m not gonna apologize for low-hanging fruit when there are eight hands to grab it with.

7.

How does an octopus browse the internet? In ink-ognito mode.

8.

You’re octo-puss-itively amazing.

(That’s an Instagram caption. Use it. Tag me. I don’t have an octopus account yet but I might start one.)

9.

What do you call an octopus in a fight? Armed and dangerous. Actually, armed and armed and armed and armed and armed and armed and armed and armed.

10. The Multitasker

Why is an octopus so good at its job? Because it can multi-task with eight arms, which, honestly that’s barely even a pun, that’s just a fact. Octopuses literally open jars, solve puzzles, and camouflage simultaneously. Sorry. I mean, they do all that stuff at once. They’re genuinely terrifying if you think about it too hard.

11.

What kind of show does an octopus host? A pod-cast. Cephalopod-cast, if you’re feeling fancy.

12.

I texted my partner “I’m feeling a little tenta-cool today 🐙” and they replied “please seek help.” Fair.

13.

What does an octopus say when it needs help? “Can someone give me a hand? Actually, make it seven more.”

14.

That octopus’s camouflage skills are ink-credible.

I know. I KNOW. But you can’t do an octopus pun list without the ink ones. It’s like doing dog puns without “paws.” Impossible and also illegal, probably.

15.

Why did the octopus become a masseuse? It already had the tenta-skills.

16. I’m sorry in advance

What did Bugs Bunny say to the octopus? “What’s up, octo-doc?”

Yeah. That one’s garbage. Moving on.

17.

What’s an octopus’s excuse for being late? “Sorry, I got all tied up.” With eight arms, that actually takes a while to sort out.

18.

An octopus walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The octopus says, “That’s fine, I brought my own ink.” Then it proceeds to write a strongly worded Yelp review with three different arms while ordering a drink with a fourth.

19. Niche biology corner

Why does an octopus never have high blood pressure? Because it’s got three hearts to share the workload.

This one’s for the marine bio nerds. Octopuses genuinely have three hearts, two branchial hearts pump blood to the gills, one systemic heart pumps it to the body. The systemic heart actually STOPS when the octopus swims, which is why they prefer crawling. I find this unreasonably fascinating and nobody at parties wants to hear about it.

20.

You’re a cephalo-POD-tastic friend!

21.

What do you call an octopus who’s always right? Tenta-cle-arly correct.

…that one’s a stretch. A real stretch. Like, rubber-band-about-to-snap stretch.

22.

What advice does an octopus give about bad deals? “Don’t be a sucker.”

23. Another one I’m weirdly proud of

What’s an octopus’s worst nightmare? Arm-ageddon.

Think about it. THINK about it. Eight arms. Armageddon. The arms are getting geddoned. This is comedy gold and I will die on this hill with all eight arms flailing.

24.

How does an octopus start a conversation? “Tenta-cle-ly speaking…”

25.

Sent my friend a picture of an octopus with the caption “current mood: inkredibly tired” and honestly? It was the most honest thing I’ve communicated in weeks.

26.

What do you call a mischievous baby octopus? A real handful. Times eight.

27. The Nerd One

Why do octopuses edit their own RNA? Because they’re not about that basic genetic life.

Okay this one requires explanation: octopuses actually DO edit their own RNA at insanely high rates compared to other animals, which may contribute to their intelligence but slows down their DNA evolution. This is a real thing. The pun is weak but the science is wild, so I’m counting it.

28.

What did the octopus say when someone cut in line? “Well, that’s ink-onsiderate.”

29.

Why are octopuses so good at painting? They’ve always got ink on hand.

30.

• What do you call an octopus matchmaker? Suction Cupid.
• What do you call an octopus detective? An armchair investigator.
• What do you call a solitary octopus? An army of one.

31.

How does an octopus feel after a long day? Tenta-cle-ly exhausted.

I’m reusing the tentacle prefix and I don’t care. It’s load-bearing wordplay.

32.

What’s an octopus’s favorite way to display data? A pie chart. Eight slices.

33. Real talk for a second

Can we acknowledge that octopuses are basically aliens that live on our planet? They have the most complex brain of any invertebrate, they can change color AND texture, they taste with their suckers, and they’re basically boneless. If they lived longer than like two years they’d probably have built a civilization by now. Anyway.

34.

What’s an octopus’s dream job? A secret ag-INK-t. Deep sea espionage.

Ngl, that hyphenation is doing a LOT of heavy lifting. Sorry.

35.

“I’m armed with knowledge,” said the octopus, holding eight textbooks.

36.

What do you call an octopus who can’t tie its shoes? Tenta-clueless.

37.

Instagram caption energy: “Sea you later 🐙”, basic, effective, no notes.

38. This one requires commitment

My kid asked me what an octopus’s favorite dance move is. I said “the ink spot.” She stared at me. I said “because they drop ink and then… they’re on the spot… like dancing on the spot…” She walked away. I shouted “IT WORKS ON MULTIPLE LEVELS” at her retreating back. She’s seven. She doesn’t have a blog. She doesn’t understand the craft.

39.

Why did the octopus stop collecting arms? Eight is enough.

40.

What did the wise octopus say about gossip? “Don’t get ink-volved.”

41.

Don’t get your tentacles in a twist.

42. The Hectocotylus Special

Why did the male octopus break up with his girlfriend? He gave her his hectocotylus and she didn’t appreciate the gesture.

IYKYK. For those who don’t: the hectocotylus is a modified arm that male octopuses use for reproduction, and in some species it literally detaches. So he gave her his arm. Romantically. Look it up and be disturbed. This is the most niche pun on this list and I’m tbh not even sure it qualifies as a pun, but it’s staying.

43.

How does an octopus respond to “how are you?” “I’m feeling a bit squid-ish.”

44.

What’s an octopus’s social media caption? “Livin’ life with no bones about it.”

45.

An octopus can fit through any opening larger than its beak. Which means your octopus puns need to be at least that flexible. I don’t know where I was going with this. Next.

46. Absolute favorite, hall of fame

What do you call a collection of octopus jokes?

Octo-puns.

It’s so obvious it circles back around to genius. This is the pun equivalent of an octopus squeezing through a tiny hole, it shouldn’t work but it does and it’s beautiful. I want this on my tombstone.

47.

“You really octopi my thoughts,” I said, and meant it.

Send that to your crush. Right now. I’ll wait.

48.

What advice does an octopus give about stress? “Don’t get too wrapped up in things.” Easy for them to say with eight arms that can literally unwrap themselves from anything.

49.

What do you call an octopus who’s having a great time at a party? An ink-credible dancer. A real eight-stepper. The life of the tide pool.

50.

Why do octopuses never forget anything? They have ink-redible memories.

This is the fourth ink pun. Maybe fifth. I’ve lost count. The ink well is running dry (see what I did there, okay I’ll stop).

51.

What did the octopus say to the gambler? “Quit while you’re a-head. And while I’m eight arms.”

52. Quick-fire texting round

• 🐙 “You octopi a special place in my heart”
• 🐙 “Feeling ink-lined to agree with you”
• 🐙 “That’s sucker-punch levels of funny”

All three work as texts. All three will get you weird looks. Worth it.

53.

What’s an octopus’s ideal work schedule? Eight days a week. The Beatles wrote that song about an octopus and I refuse to hear otherwise.

54.

How does an octopus travel without being noticed? It goes ink-ognito.

Wait, did I already do this one? I might have already done this one. You know what, if you’ve read this far, you’re committed. We’re in this together.

55.

What do you call an octopus with good hearing? Tenta-cle-ly sound.

56.

I asked an octopus for its life motto. It said “just keep swimming.” I said that’s Dory’s line. It shrugged. With eight shoulders.

57. The Chromatophore Drop

Why is an octopus the best poker player? Because it can literally change its skin color and pattern in milliseconds using chromatophores, so good luck reading THAT poker face.

Again, barely a pun, mostly just science awe. But chromatophores are so cool that I’m sneaking marine biology into a comedy post and you can’t stop me.

58.

What do you call a truly dedicated octopus? Single-minded with an eight-track soul.

59.

What did the octopus say to the daredevil? “You’re pushing the limits. I’m pushing with eight arms, so I push harder.”

That’s… not great. Kinda just a statement. I’m leaving it in because deleting puns feels wrong, like throwing away a drawing your kid made. Even if the drawing is bad.

60.

What kind of parties do octopuses throw? Ink-lusive ones.

61. One more because I can’t stop

What do you call an octopus who has a crush? A deep-sea-cret admirer.

62.

“I’ve got a lot on my plate,” said the octopus. “Eight plates, actually.”

63.

How would an octopus describe a talented person? Suction-ally gifted.

Yeah, that one barely works. I’m aware. The “suction” to “exception” pipeline is a leaky one.

64. The Closer

What did the octopus say when it finally finished writing all these puns?

“I need to de-ink-ompress.”

Okay I lied, one more: if you’ve read all of these, you’re clearly a sucker. Takes one to know eight. 🐙