60 Sex Pun Names That Are Ridiculously Naughty

Sex pun names are one of those things where once you start noticing them, you can’t stop. Like, Dick Van Dyke has been right there in front of us for decades and we all just… agreed to not talk about it? The man had a primetime TV show. Anyway, I’ve been collecting these for an embarrassingly long time, and some of them are genuinely clever while others are stretches so bad I should probably apologize in advance. I won’t, though.

1. Dick Van Dyke

The granddaddy of sex pun names. A name so on-the-nose it wraps back around to being completely innocent. “Dick” (penis) plus “Van Dyke” (which, depending on how your brain works, could evoke a whole other thing). This man won Emmys. Multiple Emmys. I think about this at least once a month.

2. Magic Johnson

Two slang terms for penis in one name. That’s not a pun, that’s a double entendre speedrun. “Johnson” alone would’ve made the list, but adding “Magic” in front of it? Legendary, on and off the court.

3. Willie Nelson

On the road again, indeed.

4. Randy Orton

“Randy” means sexually aroused in British English, so every time the WWE announcer screams this man’s name, there’s a British person somewhere quietly losing it. I used to watch wrestling with a friend from Manchester and he could never keep a straight face during Randy’s entrance. To be fair, “entrance” is also doing a lot of work in that sentence.

5. The Peter Cluster

• Peter Panthe boy who never grew up, named after a penis. J.M. Barrie, what were you doing.
• Peter Griffinless literary, equally phallic.
• Peter O’Tooleand I cannot stress this enough, “tool” is ALSO slang for a penis. This man’s name is essentially Penis O’Penis. He was nominated for eight Oscars.

6. Rod Stewart

What do you call a rock star whose first name means penis and whose last name sounds like he’s managing it? Rod Stewart. “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” was basically an autobiography title.

7. Courteney Cox

I’m sorry, Courteney. You seem lovely. But “Cox” is right there and we all know what it sounds like. Plural, even.

8. Fanny Mae

Here’s where it gets fun because this one is a transatlantic double-whammy. In the US, “fanny” means butt. In the UK, it means vagina. So depending on which side of the ocean you’re standing on, this government-sponsored mortgage enterprise sounds like a completely different body part. Financial services have never been this anatomical.

9. Humphrey Bogart

Humphrey. HUMP-free. The man who said “Here’s looking at you, kid” had a name that suggests a very different kind of looking.

10. Alan Cumming

The One That Writes Itself

Okay, this is my favorite on the entire list and I need everyone to appreciate it properly. His surname is literally “Cumming.” He’s a classically trained actor, a fashion icon, he’s been in X-Men and Cabaret and The Good Wife, and his name is ALAN CUMMING. He’s spoken about it in interviews with incredible grace. I could never. This is the sex pun name hall of fame inductee, first ballot, unanimous.

11. Lance Armstrong

“Lance” means to pierce or penetrate, and “Armstrong” is… strong arm? Strong something? Look, the whole name just radiates aggressive sexual energy. It sounds like a move, not a person.

12. Oral Roberts

A famous evangelist. Named Oral. Who preached on television to millions of people. Named. Oral. I don’t have a joke here, the name IS the joke. God has a sense of humor and this is exhibit A.

13. George Bush

“Bush” is slang for pubic hair. Two presidents had this name. I’m gonna move on before I say something that gets me on a list.

14. Seaman

What do you call a surname that sounds exactly like male ejaculate? Seaman. There are real people walking around with this on their driver’s license. There was a goalkeeper named David Seaman. A goalkeeper. Whose job was to catch things.

Honestly, I could do an entire separate post just on athletes with sex pun names. The sports world is an absolute goldmine and I don’t think anyone in HR is paying attention.

15. Garth Brooks

“Garth” sounds like “girth.” You know what girth refers to in a sexual context. Garth knows what girth refers to in a sexual context. We’re all adults here.

16. Warren G. Harding

Presidential Erectio, I Mean, Election

A former president whose last name literally contains “hard.” As in, the state of an erection. Warren G. Harding also, historically, had a bunch of extramarital affairs, so the name was basically prophecy. The “G” probably stands for something but in my head it stands for “getting.”

17. Winona Ryder

“Ryder” implies riding. Riding implies a sexual position. Winona Ryder is a national treasure and I feel guilty even typing this, but the pun is the pun.

18. The Knob Hill / Cherry Garcia / Peach Pit Trio

These aren’t people, technically, but they’re names and they’re too good to skip:

• Knob Hillupscale San Francisco neighborhood, “knob” is British slang for the head of a penis
• Cherry GarciaBen & Jerry’s flavor, “cherry” is slang for virginity
• Peach Pitthe 90210 hangout, “peach” is slang for butt (thanks, emoji culture)

19. Hotchkiss

I went to look up whether there’s a famous person named Hotchkiss and there’s literally a prep school called Hotchkiss in Connecticut. A school. Called Hot Kiss. Rich people are wild.

20. Wang Chung

Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. “Wang” is slang for penis. This was a top 40 hit. The 80s were a lawless decade.

21. Lucille Ball

Ball. As in testicle. The queen of comedy, the woman who revolutionized television, had a surname that’s slang for a testicle. She would’ve found this funny, I think. I hope.

22. Virginia Woolf

“Virginia” sounds like “vagina.” One of the greatest writers of the 20th century. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? takes on a whole new energy with this reading. (This is a stretch and I know it. Including it anyway because I committed to this bit.)

23. Nudelman

This is a real surname. It means exactly what you think it means. Nude. Man. Nudelman. Somewhere out there, a Nudelman is filling out a job application and sighing.

24. Jack Black

The Stealth Entry

“Jack” as in “jack off.” This one’s sneaky because Jack is such a common name that your brain doesn’t flag it immediately. But once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Jack Black, to his credit, has the exact energy of someone whose name is a masturbation pun.

25. Creamer

A real surname. “Cream” is slang for… you know. I’m not explaining this one. If you need it explained, this blog post isn’t for you.

26. Bliss

Extreme happiness often associated with orgasm. It’s subtle enough to be classy but dirty enough to be here.

27. Copeland

Aaron Copeland, the famous American composer. “Copeland” sounds like “copulate land,” which sounds like either a theme park or a very specific Craigslist ad. Ngl, this one’s a reach, but I’ve seen worse on the internet. (I’ve WRITTEN worse on the internet.)

28. Peniston

CeCe Peniston sang “Finally” in 1991. Her surname sounds like “penis town.” I don’t know what else you want me to say. The woman had a number one hit and a name that sounds like a municipality dedicated to male genitalia.

29. Desiree

From “desire.” Sexual longing, right there in the name. This one’s actually kind of beautiful? Like, your parents named you Desire and just added two extra letters to make it formal. That’s bold parenting.

30. Eric Clapton

“Eric” sounds like “erect” if you squint your ears. This is one of my weaker entries, tbh. But the man played guitar like he was making love to it, so thematically it works even if phonetically it’s hanging on by a thread.

Can we talk for a second about how many classic rock musicians have sex pun names? It’s like there was a screening process. “Can your name be interpreted sexually? Welcome to the music industry.”

31. Forney

Sounds like “fornicate.” There’s a town called Forney in Texas. Population: approximately 25,000 people who’ve heard every joke you’re thinking of.

32. Coates

Sounds like “coitus.” Ta-Nehisi Coates out here writing about race in America with a surname that sounds like a clinical term for sex. Between the World and Me, indeed.

33. The Bodily Fluids Round

• Loaderas in, someone carrying a “load” (I’m so sorry)
• Squiressounds like “squirt,” referring to female ejaculation
• John Wettonprog rock musician, “Wetton” sounds like “wet,” referring to arousal

These three feel like they belong together. A terrible, terrible trio.

34. Moise Kean

The Deep Cut

Italian-born soccer player whose first name “Moise” sounds kinda like “moist.” This is a niche one, you’d need to know both football transfers AND be the kind of person who giggles at the word “moist.” Which, if you’re reading this list, you definitely are.

35. Courtney Love

“Love” is right there in the name. She married Kurt Cobain. They named their daughter Frances Bean. At least one person in that family got a non-sexual name.

36. Warmouth

Warm. Mouth. This is a real surname that implies oral sex so directly it barely qualifies as a pun. It’s more of a… description.

37. Stripling

What do you call a surname that sounds like someone who strips for a living? Stripling. It actually means “a young man,” which somehow makes it worse.

38. Dee Snider

The Twisted Sister frontman. “Dee” could sound like “deep,” as in deep penetration. I’m reaching here and I KNOW I’m reaching, but the man wore more leather and fishnet than a sex shop mannequin, so context supports me.

39. Esposito

Say it out loud. Slowly. “Expose-it-oh!” Like someone dramatically revealing themselves. Phil Esposito, the hockey legend, probably never thought about this. I think about it constantly.

40. Mount Everest

“Mount” as in mounting. The tallest peak in the world is named after a sex act. Sir George Everest (the surveyor it’s named for) would be horrified. Or flattered. Hard to say with Victorians, they were repressed but freaky.

41. Thorne

Sounds like “porn” if you’re not enunciating. Barely. This one’s garbage and I’m including it because we’re at the point in the list where quality control has left the building.

42. Pleasure

It’s literally just the word “pleasure.” There are people with the surname Pleasure. Imagine introducing yourself at a conference. “Hi, I’m Dave Pleasure.” Imagine the handshake.

43. Lustig

German-origin surname that sounds like “lusty.” This is one for the etymology nerds, “lustig” actually means “funny” or “cheerful” in German, which makes it a double-layered pun if you’re bilingual and immature. I am both.

44. Sean Penn

“Penn” sounds vaguely like “penis” if you’re generous. I’m being very generous. Two-time Oscar winner, though, so he can handle being on this list.

45. Titterton

A real surname. Contains “tit.” There was a physicist named Ernest Titterton who worked on the Manhattan Project. The man helped build a nuclear bomb and his name had “tit” in it. History is incredible.

46. Lick

Direct. Unsubtle. A surname that is literally a sex act. No wordplay needed. No setup required. Just… Lick.

47. Pasha

Sounds like “passion.” It’s actually a Turkish title of high rank, but in English ears it’s all heat and intensity. Good Instagram caption energy, honestly. Just post a photo with your partner and caption it “Pasha.” Nobody will get it. That’s the point.

48. Naughton

Sounds like “naughty.” There’s an actress named Naturi Naughton and her name is basically “Nature Naughty” and I find that absolutely delightful.

49. The Instagram Caption Round

These work as standalone texts or captions, no context needed:

• “Feeling very Hotchkiss tonight 🔥”
• “Big Pleasure energy”
• “She’s giving Ryder”
• “Call me Desiree because I’m all want”
• “Certified Bliss ✨”

50. Skinner

I told my friend about this list and when I said “Skinner” she stared at me for a full ten seconds before going “as in… skin her?” and then she left the room. She was right, though. “Skin her” as in removing clothes. Principal Skinner from The Simpsons will never be the same.

51. Bodie

Sounds like “body.” There’s a ghost town in California called Bodie and honestly, “ghost town called Body” is either a sex pun or a horror movie tagline.

52. Penny Lane

“Penny” sounds like the start of “penetrate.” The Beatles wrote a whole song about it. In my head, Paul McCartney knew exactly what he was doing. (He probably didn’t. Let me have this.)

53. Nutt

No Notes Needed

Nut. As in testicle. As in ejaculation. There’s a former NFL player named Grady Nutt who was also a Baptist humorist. A BAPTIST HUMORIST named NUTT. The universe is a comedian and we’re all just the audience.

54. Sugar Ray Leonard

“Sugar” as a term of endearment in a sexual context. The man could box but his nickname belongs on a Valentine’s card. Or, you know, a different kind of card.

55. Fletcher

Sounds like “flesh” if you’re moving fast. This one’s weak. I know it’s weak. We’re in the final stretch and I’m throwing everything at the wall.

56. Forrest Gump

“Forrest” sounds like “foreplay” the same way a rectangle sounds like a circle, it doesn’t, really, but I’ve seen people make this argument online and who am I to gatekeep bad puns? That’s literally my job here. Life is like a box of chocolates: sometimes you get a pun that doesn’t work and you eat it anyway.

57. Joy Behar

“Joy” as in sexual pleasure. She’s on The View every morning at 11am being joyful. The pun is right there. It’s not a great one, but it’s there.

58. Kincaid

Sounds like “kinky.” There’s a romance novelist named Laura Kincaid (I think I made that up actually, but there should be). The real Kincaids of the world are living with a surname that implies adventurous bedroom preferences and honestly? Good for them.

59. The Beaver

Jerry Mathers played “The Beaver” on Leave It to Beaver. A family show. Called Leave It to Beaver. “Beaver” is slang for vagina. An entire generation watched this show and didn’t blink. The 1950s were either deeply innocent or deeply not.

60. Anthony Comstock

This is my favorite deep cut on the list. Comstock was a 19th-century anti-obscenity crusader, he literally made it his life’s mission to suppress sexual content. His name sounds like “come stock,” as in a supply of… yeah. The man who fought against sexual expression had a sex pun name. Irony isn’t dead; it was born in the 1800s and named Anthony.

Anyway, if your name is on this list, I’m sorry and also I’m not. And if your name SHOULD be on this list and I missed it, that’s what the comments section is for. Blower out. (That’s a surname. It made the cut. Barely.)