The Most Filling Dentist Puns (61 and Counting)

Dentist puns are the only genre of humor where the groans are indistinguishable from the actual sounds people make in the chair. I’ve been collecting these for an embarrassing amount of time, and honestly, some of them are so bad that my dentist would probably refuse to see me if she knew. But here we are. My mouth is open and I can’t stop talking.

1. The Classic Crown

My dentist told me I need a crown. I said, “I know, right? Finally someone recognizes royalty.”

This is the pun that got me into dentist puns in the first place. It’s not original. I don’t care. It’s perfect. The dual meaning of crown, the dental restoration AND the royal headwear, is just *chef’s kiss*. Every dentist has heard this one and every dentist has pretended to laugh at it, and that’s a beautiful social contract.

2. Feeling good

I’m filling good after my dental appointment!

3. The Attraction Problem

“I think I have a strong attraction to my dentist.”
“Why?”
“He’s really good at extraction.”

4. Quick hits, the tooth round

• Don’t be tooth shy, come on in!
• I’ll see you tooth-morrow!
• I had a toothache, but now I’m feeling two-rific.

(Yes, I just threw three tooth/too swaps at you in a row. No, I’m not sorry. This is the bread and butter of dentist puns and you knew what you were getting into.)

5. The Drill Sergeant

Why did the dentist go to art school? To learn how to drill a perfect portrait.

I actually love this one more than I should. There’s something about the image of a dentist hunched over a canvas with a Dremel that really does it for me.

6.

I’m so drilled to see you!

7. The Floss Boss

Who’s the boss of your mouth? The floss.

Instagram caption material right there. Screenshot it. Post it. Tag your hygienist. She deserves it.

8.

My dentist told me to floss every day. He doesn’t want me to be at a loss for words, or teeth, apparently.

9. What’s a dentist’s favorite kind of bear?

A molar bear.

Look, I know. I KNOW. This is the kind of pun that belongs on a popsicle stick, and I’m including it anyway because my seven-year-old nephew told me this one and he was so proud that I can’t bring myself to cut it. Hi, Marcus.

10. The Insider

My dentist is an incisor trader, always getting the inside scoop on teeth.

This is genuinely one of my favorites. Incisor/insider is such a clean swap. The kind of pun where you have to read it twice, and then you nod slowly, and then you hate yourself for nodding. That’s the sweet spot.

11.

Getting my kids to brush their teeth is like pulling teeth. And I mean that in both ways.

12. Bridge Over Troubled Gumline

My dentist built a bridge in my mouth. Now I can finally cross the gap!

13.

What’s a dentist’s favorite type of music? Root reggae.

14. The Pulp Fiction Situation

My dentist said my tooth pulp was inflamed. I told him it sounded like a Pulp Fiction situation, lots of drama, questionable decisions, and someone definitely ends up in a chair they don’t want to be in.

Okay, I’m genuinely proud of this one. It’s a stretch, sure, but the parallel works if you don’t think about it too hard. Don’t think about it too hard.

15. The Wisdom Deficit

My dentist said I need my wisdom teeth out. Great. I was already running low on wisdom as it is.

16.

I need to brush up on my flossing technique.

(Sent this to my friend Kate as a text and she blocked me for forty-five minutes. Worth it.)

17. The Anti-Gravity Dentist

What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like gravity? Anti-cavity.

This one is terrible. Truly terrible. The phonetic reach from “gravity” to “cavity” is… it’s a lot. I’m leaving it in because bad puns need representation too.

18.

My dentist warned me about biting off more than I can chew. In my case, that’s literal medical advice.

19. Numb and Number

“How was the dentist?”
“He made my mouth numb.”
“So you can’t talk?”
“I can’t numble a single word.”

20.

My dentist always uses a mirror. He likes to reflect on his work.

Sidebar: can we talk about how weird it is that dentists use mirrors? Like, they’re literally looking at the back of your teeth via reflection while their hands are in your mouth and they’re carrying on a full conversation about their vacation to Portugal. These people are not getting enough credit. Anyway,

21.

My dentist gave me a veneer. Now my smile is ve-near perfect!

22. The Sweet Truth

My dentist always tells me the sweet truth about my sweet tooth. Neither one is as sweet as I’d like.

23.

Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his crown fitted.

Yeah, I already did a crown pun. No, I don’t care. The crown vein runs deep and I will mine it until it’s empty.

24. Canine Comedy

My dentist asked, “Can I see your canine?” I brought my dog to the next appointment. She was not amused. The dog loved it though.

25.

My dentist said I have gingivitis. I said, “Gin-give-it-is my least favorite diagnosis.”

This is barely a pun. It’s more of a phonetic hostage situation. I’m sorry.

26. The X-Ray Files

My dentist took an X-ray. The tooth is out there.

27.

Sink your teeth into something good today. ✨

(That’s the Instagram caption. That’s the whole post. Pair it with a photo of literally anything, a sunset, a book, a croissant. Works every time.)

28. Brace Yourself (I Know, I Know)

My orthodontist gave me braces. Now my teeth are getting embraces.

29.

My dentist is always filling me in on the latest dental news. Whether I want to hear it or not. Usually not. I’m reclined at a 45-degree angle with a suction tube in my mouth, Karen, I don’t need to know about new polishing compounds.

30. The Root of the Problem

My dentist said I need a root canal. I asked if it was gonna be a long route.

31.

My dental hygienist? High-genius when it comes to cleaning.

Okay tbh this one doesn’t really land out loud. It’s a visual pun. You have to see it written. I’m not defending it further.

32. The Probe

My dentist used a probe on my gums. He said he was just trying to probe the situation. I said the situation was that my gums were bleeding and I’d like him to stop probing.

33.

Plaque is a plague on my teeth.

34. The Novocaine Train

My dentist gave me Novocaine. Now I’ve got no-vo-pain!

THIS ONE. This is the one I’d put on a t-shirt. The phonetic mapping is tight, the meaning flips perfectly, and it’s short enough to actually work as a caption. I’m unreasonably attached to it.

35.

My dentist goes the extra mile to make me smile.

36. The Aesthetic

My dentist gave me anesthetic. Now I feel an aesthetic. Like, genuinely beautiful. Is that the drugs talking? Probably. Do I care? No.

37.

My dentist said my enamel is strong. I told him I’m enamel of a good patient.

This is… I don’t even know what this is. “I’m a model of”? “I’m an example of”? The phonetics don’t work in any accent I’ve tried. Including the fake British one. I’m leaving it in as a monument to my failures.

38. The Retainer Situation

“Did you wear your retainer?”
“I’m trying to retain-her confidence in me, so… yes. Definitely. Every night.”
(I did not wear it every night.)

39.

My dentist said, “Open wide!” I thought he was inviting me to a party.

40. Quick-fire floss round

• Floss like a boss.
• No floss, no glory.
• Floss is the real unsung hero, it does all the work between the scenes.

41. The Bitewing

My dentist took a bitewing X-ray. For those who don’t know (and why would you, it’s niche), a bitewing is when they make you chomp down on that horrible little cardboard tab thing while the X-ray machine makes its space-age clicking sound. Anyway: he said he needed to get a bite-wing view. I said I’d prefer a bird’s-eye view, from very far away, ideally from a place that is not this dental office.

42.

My dentist put a sealant on my teeth. Now they’re sealed tighter than my lips about how much candy I actually eat.

43. The Abscess Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

My dentist said I have an abscess. I said absence makes the heart grow fonder, but abscess just makes the jaw grow angrier.

Kinda love this one? The abscess/absence swap is clean and the follow-through works. Rating it a solid 7.5 out of 10 on the pun scale.

44.

Tooth be told, I actually don’t mind the dentist.

(Perfect text to send when someone asks how your appointment went. You’re welcome.)

45. The Endodontist

My endodontist said, “Don’t neglect your roots!” I said, “End-o-don’t tell me what to do.” This is a deep cut for anyone who’s actually had a root canal specialist. If you know, you know. If you don’t, count your blessings and your intact tooth pulp.

46.

My dentist’s favorite movie? Jaws. Obviously.

47. The Decay Monologue

My dentist said my teeth are in decay. I told him that’s a strong word. He said it’s a strong cavity. Touché.

48.

You can’t handle the tooth!

49. The Fluoride Question

My dentist asked if I wanted fluoride. I asked if it was a flu-or-ride situation, because if I’m getting sick either way, I’d rather be on a rollercoaster.

Yeah. That’s a stretch. A big, ugly, hamstring-pulling stretch. Moving on.

50. The Periodontist Speaks

Fun fact that nobody asked for: a periodontist specializes in the structures surrounding teeth, gums, bone, ligaments. It’s weirdly fascinating and also the source of this terrible pun: my periodontist told me to give it my all. Period-on-this, she said. She did not actually say that. I made it up. I’m not proud.

51.

My dentist’s office has great Wi-Fi. Guess they know about Bluetooth.

OKAY WAIT. I didn’t even plan that one and it might be the best thing on this entire list. Bluetooth! It was right there this whole time! I’m genuinely mad I didn’t think of this sooner.

52. The Implant

My dentist put in an implant. I told him he’d successfully implanted the idea that I should take better care of my teeth. He said that’s not how implants work. I said that’s not how puns work either, and yet here we both are.

53.

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your mouth. The first is flossing. Get your mind out of the gutter.

54. The Scaler

My hygienist picked up the scaler and I said, “Things are really scaling up in here.” She didn’t laugh. They never laugh. Hygienists are immune to puns, I think. Years of exposure.

55.

I told my dentist I was nervous. He said there’s nothing to be afraid of. I said, “That’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one getting drilled.”

56. The Oral Exam

I had an oral exam at the dentist and an oral exam at school on the same day. Passed one. Failed the other. I’ll let you guess which.

57.

Dentists make the best DJs. They’re always telling you to open wide and they know all about the daily grind.

58. The Denture Adventure

My grandpa got dentures. He said he’s den-sure they’re the best investment he’s ever made. Grandpa’s pun game is stronger than his bite these days, ngl.

59.

Cavity search: what your dentist calls a Tuesday.

60. The Whitening

My dentist does teeth whitening now. He’s really brightening up the place. And by “the place” I mean my mouth, which, fair, could use the help.

61. One More for the Road

Why did the tooth break up with the gum? It felt like things were too close. Way too close. Unhealthy-attachment close.

I was gonna stop at 60 but that’s not how I operate. My dentist says I don’t know when to close my mouth, and honestly, this blog post is proof he’s right.