60 Doctor Who Puns That Are Ex-TARDIS-narily Funny

I’ve been rewatching Classic Who at 2am again and my brain has entered that state where everything sounds like a pun. You know the state. It’s somewhere between sleep deprivation and enlightenment, and honestly it’s where my best work happens. My worst work too. You’re getting both today.

1. The Abbott & Costello Special

Who’s on first? No, Doctor Who’s on first. The Doctor’s on second. The Master’s pitching, and honestly nobody’s winning this game.

2.

These puns are bigger on the inside.

3. The Companion Cluster

• I Rose to the occasion for these puns.
• Amy-zing, right?
• Clara-ly I’ve lost control of my life.
• Donna-t even try to stop me now.

I’m genuinely proud of none of these individually but as a group they have a certain chaotic energy I respect.

4.

Why did the Dalek go to therapy? It had trouble processing its emotions. It could only ex-TERM-inate them.

5.

I’m the Master of these puns. And like the actual Master, I’ll keep coming back no matter how many times you think I’m done.

6. Honestly one of my favorites

So my friend texted me “what are you watching tonight?” and I said “the Doctor” and she goes “oh no are you sick?” and I just… I sat there for a full minute trying to decide if she was doing a bit or not. She wasn’t. But it’s still the best Doctor Who pun anyone’s ever accidentally made in my presence. I think about it weekly.

7.

Don’t blink or you’ll miss this pun. Actually, do blink. It’s not that good. The Weeping Angels can have this one.

8.

Spoilers! These puns are gonna get worse before they get better.

9.

I told my coworker I had two hearts, one for puns, one for Doctor Who. She told me to see an actual doctor. Fair.

10. The Catchphrase Round

What did the Ninth Doctor say when he saw these puns? “Fantastic!” What did the Tenth say? “Allons-y!” What did the Eleventh say? “Geronimo!” What did the Twelfth say? “Brilliant.” What did the Thirteenth say? Honestly I blanked on her catchphrase and had to Google it. Was it “fam”? I feel like it was “fam.”

11.

My brain is feeling a bit wibbly-wobbly, punny-wunny.

12.

Don’t Dalek-ay, tell me which pun’s your favorite so far.

(I know that one’s a stretch. I know. Moving on.)

13.

I’m Gallifrey-tful for everyone who’s still reading this.

14.

Why did the Cyberman break up with his girlfriend? He had an upgrade and she didn’t make the cut. Don’t be a Cyber-bully about it though, he’s going through a DELETE-icate time.

15. This one I actually texted to a friend at midnight

Hello Sweetie, want to hear a pun? No? Spoilers, you’re getting one anyway. 💅

16.

UNIT-ed we stand, divided we fall for bad wordplay.

17.

K-9-t believe I’m still going. Actually wait, K-9-d of can believe it. That’s two puns from one robot dog and honestly he deserves it. K-9 was carrying that show sometimes. I will not be taking questions on this.

18.

Time Lord-y, these are getting out of hand.

19. The Villain Gauntlet

• Sontaran-t you tired of these yet?
• Zygon-na love the next one.
• The Silence of the puns is deafening.

20.

I tried to write a pun about the Vashta Nerada but it kept disappearing into the shadows. Count your shadows. Count your puns. Trust neither.

21.

Bow tie-m I going to stop? Not yet. Bow ties are cool and so is my commitment to this bit.

Quick sidebar: I genuinely believe the Eleventh Doctor era produced the most pun-friendly material of any Doctor and I think it’s because Matt Smith’s face already looks like a pun. Like his entire vibe is “I am a visual pun for a confused baby giraffe.” I say this with love.

22.

I’m scarf-ing down these puns like the Fourth Doctor scarfs jelly babies.

23.

These puns are jelly good! (Tom Baker would hate me for this and I’d deserve it.)

24.

Celery-brate good times, come on! The Fifth Doctor pinned a piece of celery to his lapel and nobody stopped him. The 80s were wild. That’s not a pun, that’s just a fact I needed to say.

25. One of the actual good ones, I think

I called the police box office to book tickets but they told me the show was already sold out across all of space and time. Some things you just can’t book in advance. Not even with a TARDIS.

26.

Rory-ly, you’re still reading these?

27.

Martha-n’t it obvious I love this show too much?

28.

I need to regenerate my pun-making energy. Give me a second. Okay I’m back. The regeneration was rough but I’ve got a new face and a fresh perspective and, nope. Still just puns.

29.

What do you call a Time Lord who’s great at stand-up? A real Gallifrey-nd of comedy.

That one’s garbage. I’m sorry. I’m not deleting it though.

30. The Obscure Corner

If the Mara possessed your alarm clock, would that make it a Kinda wake-up call?

(If you got that without Googling, you’re either a Classic Who superfan or you’re lying. “Kinda”, Fifth Doctor serial, 1982, the Mara is a snake entity that possesses people through dreams. It’s genuinely great television and also the title is literally just the word “kinda” which makes puns almost too easy and yet somehow nobody makes them.)

31.

Ood-n’t you know it, another pun.

32.

I told my friend these puns were out of this world and she said “so is your social life.” She’s not wrong but also she’s not a Whovian so her opinion is Void stuff to me.

33.

Don’t Missy out on these. She’s the Master in heels and honestly? Iconic.

34.

Sonic-thing tells me I should keep going.

35. Another one I’m weirdly proud of

My therapist said I use humor as a defense mechanism and I said “yeah, it’s my sonic screwdriver, it doesn’t work on wood but it gets me through most situations.” She didn’t laugh. I thought it was brilliant. The therapeutic relationship has never recovered.

36.

Sycorax-ing my brain for more material here.

37.

I TARDIS-n’t think I could make this many puns but here we are, 37 deep and still regenerating.

38.

Why did the Adipose go to the gym? It wanted to work on its body, Adipose-itively obsessed with self-improvement. Okay that one’s terrible. Like genuinely terrible. I’m leaving it in because I believe in transparency.

39. The Instagram Caption Block

These all work as standalone captions, you’re welcome:

• Just what the Doctor ordered 💙📦
• My weekend plans are bigger on the inside
• Run, you clever boy, and remember this caption
• It’s about time ⏰🌀

40.

These puns are a paradox, simultaneously terrible and wonderful, which I know isn’t how paradoxes actually work but the Doctor would forgive the imprecision. Probably. Twelve wouldn’t. Twelve would roast me.

41.

Slitheen-g into your DMs with Doctor Who puns at 1am is a valid love language.

42.

Judoon-t you think these puns are great? Judoon platoon upon the moon. That’s not a pun, that’s just fun to say. Try it. Judoon platoon upon the moon. See?

43.

I’ve mastered the art of Doctor Who puns. And by “mastered” I mean I’ve spent an unforgivable amount of time on them, much like the Master spends an unforgivable amount of time on schemes that never quite work out.

44. The Deep Cut

What’s the Kandyman’s favorite type of humor? Bittersweet puns.

(The Kandyman is from “The Happiness Patrol,” a 1988 Seventh Doctor serial where a literal candy robot enforces mandatory happiness. It’s as unhinged as it sounds and tbh it’s basically a metaphor for this entire blog post.)

45.

Bananas are good. These puns are good. Always bring a banana to a party and a pun to a conversation. Same energy.

46.

My puns have a fixed point in time, they cannot be unread. Sorry about that.

47.

Sarah Jane-erally speaking, these puns are well-received. At least by me. I’m my own audience and I’m very generous.

48.

What do you call a Time Lord’s fish dinner? Fish fingers and custard, there’s no pun here, I just wanted to remind everyone that this is a real thing the Doctor ate on screen and it’s canon and it lives in my head rent-free. I’ve tried it. It’s not terrible? It’s not good. But it’s not terrible.

49. Niche alert

I tried to build flat-pack furniture using only a sonic screwdriver and it didn’t work. Which is accurate to the show because the sonic famously doesn’t work on wood. This is both a pun and a genuine complaint about IKEA.

50.

I’m fish-ing for compliments at this point. Fifty puns deep and I’m basically just standing here going “tell me I’m clever, like the Doctor.”

51.

River-t your eyes if this one’s too bad: What’s River Song’s favorite type of exercise? Spoiler alert, it’s running. It’s always running. Everyone on this show is always running.

52.

These puns add another dimension to my personality. Unfortunately it’s the dimension where I’m insufferable at parties.

53.

I’m not weeping. You’re weeping. These puns are making angels cry and not the good kind.

54. The Regeneration Cluster

Every time I think I’ve run out of puns, I regenerate into someone with a whole new set of them. New face, same terrible humor. I don’t want to go… but also I have six more puns to write so I kinda have to stay.

55.

Fez-tastic puns! Fezzes are cool. This pun is lukewarm at best. But the fez is cool.

56.

My friends say I Dalek too much about Doctor Who. They’re not wrong but they’re also not invited to my viewing parties anymore.

57.

Why did the Weeping Angel go to art school? It already had the “don’t move” pose down. Graduated with a stone-cold GPA.

58.

I’m sonic-ally good at this. Ngl, that one barely counts. I’m running on fumes and jelly babies at this point.

59. The one that’s actually just a compliment to the show disguised as a pun

Doctor Who is just what the doctor ordered, a show about a centuries-old alien who solves problems by being curious and kind and occasionally blowing things up. It’s the most human show about a non-human and idk, sometimes you need that. That’s not a pun. I don’t care.

60.

Run. Run, you clever reader, and remember these puns.

Or don’t remember them. The Silence would prefer you didn’t. Wait, what was I talking about?