The Cheeky-est Butt Puns (60 and Counting)

Butt puns are the one genre of humor where I feel zero shame and maximum commitment. I’ve been collecting these for an embarrassing amount of time, like, I have a Notes app folder called “ass-orted wordplay” and I’m not even a little sorry about it. Some of these are genuinely clever. Some of them are crimes against language. You’re getting all of them.

1. The Classic Opener

Butt wait, there’s more!

(There’s always more. There are sixty of these.)

2. Bun-appétit.

This one lives rent-free in my head every single time I sit down at a restaurant. I’ve said it out loud to waiters. Twice. Neither time landed. I don’t care, it’s perfect and I’ll die on this hill.

3. Quick-fire bakery run

• Nice buns! (said at a bakery, obviously)
• Quit loafing around and shake your buns.
• Buns of cinnamon, because “buns of steel” was never as delicious.

4.

What do you call a comedian who only tells butt jokes? A crack-up.

5. The Flirty One

Is it hot in here, or is it just your buns?

Works at the gym. Works at the bakery. Works nowhere else. Send it to your crush anyway.

6.

That excuse is half-assed at best.

7.

I told my friend I was writing sixty butt puns. She said, “That’s a butt-ton of homework.” She’s not wrong. She’s also not funny enough to be on this blog, but I’m including her contribution because I’m generous.

8. Glute-ten free cookies

Okay, this one’s a STRETCH and I know it. “Glute-ten” barely sounds like “gluten” if you squint with your ears. But I spent three minutes on it and I’m not deleting it now.

9.

My love for you is bottomless.

Instagram caption material right there. Screenshot it. Use it on Valentine’s Day. Tag me when you do.

10.

Why did the student sit at the back of every class? Because they were always at the bottom.

11. Peach, please!

This is the one I’m most proud of as a standalone text message. Just, someone says something outrageous, and you reply “peach, please” with the 🍑 emoji. Comedy gold. I will not be taking questions.

12.

Booty-ful day, isn’t it?

13.

You’re the butt of every conversation, and honestly? You wear it well.

14. The Workout Bloc

• Squat goals. (Not squad goals. Squat goals.)
• Glute and grind, baby.
• Booty gains are cheek-ing in.

I go to the gym maybe once a month but I make puns about it constantly. Priorities.

15.

Sit-ups? Nah. Butt-ups.

That’s not even a real exercise and I don’t care.

16.

Rear-ly good pizza.

17. The Holiday Corner

Rear-y Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

18.

Rump around the Christmas tree. You know the song. You’re already singing it wrong in your head. You’re welcome.

19.

I tried to explain butt puns to my uncle at Thanksgiving dinner last year and he just stared at me for a full ten seconds before saying “that’s cheeky.” AND HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS DOING IT. The man is an accidental genius.

20. Cheek out this cheesecake.

21.

Why do butts never win arguments? Because they always crack under pressure.

22.

Stop talking out your ass. (A classic. Sometimes the old ones are the best ones. This idiom has been doing the lord’s work since forever.)

23. The Romantic Cluster

“You’ve got me head over heels, and cheeks.”

“You’re the cheek to my smile.”

“Can I call you my better half-ass?”

That last one is terrible. I know. I KNOW. But imagine saying it with a straight face to someone you love. The confusion alone is worth it.

24.

Ass-tonishing wordplay.

That’s it. That’s the pun. It describes itself.

25.

Doughnut sit on my snacks.

26. Sidebar

Can we talk about how the peach emoji has completely replaced the word “butt” in like 40% of digital communication? Linguists in 2076 are gonna write dissertations about this. “The Semiotics of the Peach: How a Fruit Became a Body Part in the Early Digital Age.” I’d read that paper. I’d cite that paper.

27.

Fries before guys, buns before huns.

28.

Bottomless brunch is my jam. Both meanings. I want the mimosas AND I want to feel free.

29. Rump in translation.

This one’s for the film nerds. If you got it, you got it. If you didn’t, go watch the movie and then come back and appreciate me.

30.

I’d never bum you out.

31.

That plan was a total bum-mer. (Yeah, I used “bum” twice in a row. What are you gonna do, call the pun police? They’re already looking for me.)

32.

What did the anatomy professor say on the first day of class? “Bottoms up for knowledge.”

33.

Glute-tastic.

34.

Rump-tastic.

Okay look, I’m not gonna pretend those two were different puns. They’re the same structure with different butt synonyms. Sometimes you just need to fill the tank. Moving on.

35. Cheek-tacular

This one I actually like though. There’s something about the mouth-feel of “cheek-tacular” that makes me want to say it at awards ceremonies. “And the Cheek-tacular Achievement Award goes to…”

36.

Cake by the pound… or by the cheek.

37.

Got buns? Got puns.

Bumper sticker energy. Someone please make this a bumper sticker.

38. The Derrière Detour

Fun fact: “derrière” literally just means “behind” in French. The French didn’t even make it fancy, English speakers just heard a French word and decided it sounded classy enough to say in polite company. We’re all just saying “behind” in a fancy accent and pretending we’re sophisticated. Anyway:

You’ve got a great derrière-ction in life.

(That one barely works and I’m aware.)

39.

Sit tight for exams.

40.

Word of the rear.

41.

Talk to the butt, ’cause the face ain’t listening.

42. The “Send This to Your Group Chat” Section

• Peach-fully yours 🍑
• Cheeky Valentine’s vibes
• Shake what your mama gave ya

All three work as Instagram captions. All three will get you unfollowed by at least one person. Worth it.

43.

Rear-ange the letters in “puns” and you get… well, you still get “puns” because it’s only four letters and none of them spell anything butt-related. I tried. This was gonna be clever and it just isn’t.

44.

Cheek up, it’s coffee time.

45.

What do you call an unreliable dictionary? Half-assed.

46. Bum-believable

Ngl, this one hits different when you say it with full conviction. Like someone tells you something wild and you just go “that’s bum-believable” without cracking a smile. Deadpan butt humor is an art form.

47.

Behind every great meal is joy. And also a chair someone’s sitting on.

48.

Donut sit this one out.

49.

Booty and biology, my two favorite B-words in school.

50. The Anatomical Nerd Corner

Okay so the gluteus maximus is literally the largest muscle in the human body. This means, scientifically speaking, your butt is your most powerful asset. The pun writes itself. But here’s the niche one:

Why did the physical therapist break up with the personal trainer? Too much gluteal amnesia.

(Gluteal amnesia is a real condition, it’s when your glute muscles “forget” how to activate properly from too much sitting. It’s also called “dead butt syndrome.” I am NOT making this up. Dead. Butt. Syndrome. The medical community handed us that one for free.)

51.

Lettuce be cheeky today.

52.

I told my coworker she was being cheeky. She said thanks. I meant it as a butt pun. She took it as a compliment. Honestly, both work.

53. Rump-ber two pencil.

This is the worst one on the list. I’m sorry. I’m genuinely sorry. “Rump-ber” doesn’t sound like “number” in any accent on any planet. But I typed it and now you’ve read it and we’re both worse for it.

54.

Always sitting around, huh? Story of my work-from-home life tbh.

55.

The piriformis muscle sits deep in the gluteal region and when it gets inflamed, it can compress the sciatic nerve. This is called piriformis syndrome. You know what it’s also called? A real pain in the ass.

(That’s not even a pun. That’s just literally what people call it. Medicine keeps doing my job for me.)

56. Desk-bound rump.

Subtitle: A memoir.

57.

Glute-tiful graduation, class of 2026! Go forth and… sit comfortably in your new office chairs, I guess.

58.

Seat goals. Not squad goals. Seat goals. Finding a good chair is the real flex after 30.

59.

My sense of humor has great cheek support. It’s structural. Load-bearing, even. Without the cheek support, the whole comedy infrastructure collapses. This is the one I’d put on a résumé if anyone ever asked me to justify this blog’s existence.

60. The Closer

It’s all behind us now.

Peach-fully yours. 🍑