53 Corn Puns That Are A-maize-ingly Funny

Corn is the funniest vegetable and I will die on this hill. It’s got ears but can’t hear, it comes on a cob for no reason anyone’s ever adequately explained to me, and the word “shuck” exists just begging to be misused. I’ve been stockpiling these for an embarrassing amount of time.

1. The Classic

That joke was a little corny.

(Yeah, we’re starting here. You knew we were starting here. Get it out of your system.)

2. Tell me your secret

Tell me everything. I promise I’m all ears.

3.

Why did the corn get promoted? It was outstanding in its field.

This is the corn pun equivalent of “Stairway to Heaven”, everyone knows it, everyone’s heard it, and it still kinda works every time. I’m not gonna pretend I’m above it.

4.

Let’s get down to the kernel of the matter.

5. The Military One

I told my friend the general was a real kernel of truth and she just stared at me for about four seconds before walking away. Kernel. Colonel. It works better out loud. Trust me. Or don’t.

6, 8. The Maize Cluster

• I’m a-maize-d by you. (Instagram caption. Done. Post it.)
• That corn maze was a real… maize. Okay this one’s just the same word twice, I’m sorry.
• You’re a-maize-ing and I refuse to apologize for typing that.

9.

What’s corn’s favorite music genre?

Pop.

10.

Let’s pop over to the movies.

11. One of My Favorites, Actually

What did the corn say to the farmer? “Stop stalking me!”

This one is genuinely perfect. The stalk is RIGHT THERE. The double meaning lands immediately. If I could only keep one corn pun, it might be this one. It’s structurally flawless. I think about pun structure too much.

12.

I’m shucking tired of these puns.

(You know what I mean.)

13.

Tried to cob-ble together dinner last night using only what was in the garden. Ended up just eating corn. Honestly? No complaints.

14.

This corn is un-cob-lievable.

That’s a stretch and I know it. Moving on.

15.

Not trying to butter you up, but you’re great.

16. The Text You Send at 11pm

Long time no seed 🌽

That’s it. That’s the text. Send it to someone you haven’t talked to in months. See what happens.

17.

Why did the corn go to therapy? It couldn’t stop bottling up its husk-y feelings.

Okay that’s two puns jammed into one joke and neither of them is great. I’m keeping it anyway because I spent time on it and this is my blog.

18.

You’re the cream of the crop.

Side note, creamed corn is one of those foods that sounds like it was invented on a dare. “What if we took corn and made it… worse?” And yet people eat it at Thanksgiving like it’s normal. It’s not normal.

19.

I’m having a corn-ucopia of fun!

20. Niche One, Stick With Me

Did you hear about the farmer who only planted Bt corn? He said the pests were really bugging him.

If you know, you know. Bt corn is genetically modified to produce its own insecticide. This is a pun for the agricultural biotech crowd and I’m genuinely proud of it even though approximately eleven people will get it.

21.

“I told my wife we should name our kid Zea.”

“Like… the name?”

“Like Zea mays. The scientific name for corn.”

“We’re getting divorced.”

22.

You’re the best. No ifs, ands, or cobs.

23.

Let’s husk a move!

24, 26. Rapid Fire Stalk Puns

• Quit stalking my Instagram.
• I’m feeling a little stalk-y today, tall, stiff, just standing in a field thinking about photosynthesis.
• This whole situation is stalk-ing me.

27.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where’s popcorn?

THIS ONE. This is the one I tell actual children and they actually laugh. It’s maybe the purest corn pun in existence. No wordplay tricks, just a perfect little joke. I love it so much.

28.

He’s a real field-good story.

29.

So glad we could corn-nect.

Tbh this is the kind of thing I’d put in a thank-you card to a farmer and think I was hilarious.

30. The Proposal Pun

He got down on one knee in the middle of a cornfield and said he was ready to pop the question. She said yes. The corn said nothing because it’s corn.

31.

I’m feeling a little pop-ular today.

32.

Let’s get this show on the cob.

33. For the History Nerds

The Corn Laws in 1840s Britain were basically Parliament arguing about grain tariffs for years, which is the most British thing imaginable. Anyway: those debates were a real grain drain.

Look, I didn’t say they’d all be good.

34.

You’re ear-resistible.

(Caption it. Post the selfie. I believe in you.)

35.

I’ve been trying to make ends meet. Or should I say, kernels meet.

That one barely works. I’m aware.

36.

Why was the corn so good at its job? It always gave 100%, stalk, silk, and kernel.

37.

Don’t be a-frayed to try new things!

This is a corn silk pun. Corn silk frays. I know it’s a reach. Sometimes you gotta reach.

38. The Corn-spiracy

I’m starting to think there’s a corn-spiracy going on. Every restaurant, every menu, every side dish, corn is EVERYWHERE. It’s in your soda. Your gas tank. Your toothpaste probably. Big Corn is real and they’re winning.

39.

Corn-gratulations on making it this far into the list.

40.

What do you call a corn cob that tells jokes?

A corn-edian.

Yep. That’s the level we’re operating at now.

41. Ethanol Pun (I’m So Sorry)

My car runs on corn ethanol, which means technically I’m driving a corn-verted vehicle.

Ngl, I wrote this one at 2am and I was so pleased with myself I texted it to three people. None of them responded.

42.

You’re a real corn-erstone of this team.

43, 45. Instagram Caption Ready

• Corn stars only 🌽✨
• Living my best cob life
• It’s giving… corn 💅

46.

I tried to corn-vince my friend to come to the farm with me. She said no. Her loss.

47.

Can we corn-firm our plans for Saturday?

48. The One I’m Proudest Of

A scarecrow won an award and everyone asked how. He said he was outstanding in his field. The corn next to him said, “Buddy, I’ve been outstanding in this field for MONTHS and nobody gave ME anything.”

It’s a subversion. It’s a callback. It’s a commentary on labor inequality in agriculture. I’m kidding about that last part but I genuinely think this joke has layers. Like a husk.

49.

Let’s corn-tinue this conversation later.

50.

Why don’t corn cobs ever win arguments? They always get creamed.

51. Dent Corn Deep Cut

I asked the farmer what kind of corn he grows and he said dent corn. I told him that really put a dent in my expectations.

For the uninitiated: dent corn is a real variety, named for the dent that forms on each kernel as it dries. It’s used for animal feed and processed foods, not eaten off the cob. This pun is for the 4-H kids and I salute every one of you.

52.

So glad we could corn-vene.

53.

That movie was really popping.

54.

I walked into the kitchen and my roommate was just… boiling corn. At midnight. No explanation. I said “this is a-maize-ing” and she threw a cob at me.

55. The Tassel Pun Nobody Asked For

Getting through this list has been a real tassel. Like hassle. Because corn has tassels. The pollen-producing part at the top.

I’m gonna be honest, I could feel that one dying as I typed it.

56.

What did one ear of corn say to the other at prom?

“You look shucking gorgeous.”

57, 59. The Bitter End Cluster

We’re in the home stretch. Here are three I couldn’t figure out where else to put:

• You’re a grain-d person and I mean that.
• This party is really poppin’.
• I’ve been corn-templating my life choices and most of them involve snacks.

60.

Why did the corn cross the road?

Because it was being stalked.

Wait, I already used the stalking one. Whatever. It’s good enough to use twice. You know what, here’s a bonus to make up for it:

61. Bonus

What did the corn say when it got complimented?

“Aw, shucks.”

Okay I’m done. My brain is just the word “corn” repeated in different fonts now. Go eat an ear of something.