Apple Puns: 62 So Core-ny You’ll Seed Yourself Out

Apples are the most pun-friendly fruit and I will die on this hill. Bananas get all the hype, but apples have layers, core wordplay, orchard jokes, cider puns, pie puns, the whole tech angle with Apple. It’s almost unfair how much material there is. I’ve been sitting on some of these for an embarrassing amount of time.

1. The Classic Opener

You’re looking pretty a-peel-ing today.

Yeah, I know. Everyone starts here. But it’s the handshake of apple puns, you gotta do it before you move on to the weird stuff.

2. The Deep Thinker

We really need to get to the core of this problem.

This one’s honestly perfect for work emails if you’re brave enough. I’ve used it in a Slack message. Nobody laughed. I regret nothing.

3.

Why did the apple go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.

4. The One I’m Weirdly Proud Of

My friend asked me to describe autumn in one sentence. I said, “The air is crispthe leaves are turning, and I’m having the most productive season of my life.” She said that was three sentences. I said that’s because fall is about abundance. Anyway the real pun was “crisp” and I just buried it in a whole paragraph because I think puns are funnier when they’re not trying too hard. Crisp. Like the apple. Like the air. This one just works on multiple levels and I won’t apologize for how long I spent on the delivery.

5. Rapid-Fire Round

• You’re the apple of my eye (timeless, undefeated, retired jersey)
• You’re apple-solutely amazing
• You’re one in a melonwait, wrong fruit. You’re one in a millionor should I say one in a Macintosh

6.

What do you call an apple that plays trumpet? A tooty fruity.

I’m sorry. That’s not even specifically an apple pun. Moving on.

7.

I told my partner I wanted to cider with them on every decision. They said, “Do you mean side with?” And I said, “I know what I said.”

8. For the Math Nerds

This apple pie is irrational.

Get it? Pi? Irrational number? This is the kind of pun that gets you either a high five or a restraining order depending on your audience. I love it. Genuinely one of my favorites in this whole list. If you don’t get it, google “irrational numbers” and then come back and appreciate me.

9.

I can peel the love tonight.

10. The Tech Crossover

I took a byte out of my new computer. Tasted like aluminum and regret.

11.

Why did the apple join the gym? It wanted better core strength.

Okay sidebar, I just realized I’ve used “core” twice already. The thing about apple puns is there are like six words that do 90% of the heavy lifting: core, peel, seed, cider, sauce, and crisp. The real challenge is finding the ones that go beyond those. Bear with me, it gets more creative from here. Mostly.

12.

It’s gonna be an orchard-uous task, but someone’s gotta do it.

13. Instagram Caption Energy

Picked a good one 🍎

(This works for apple picking photos AND for posting your significant other. Dual purpose. You’re welcome.)

14.

“How many apples did you see on that branch?”

“I saw tree.”

Awful. I know. But kids love this one and honestly so do I.

15. The Saucy One

What’s the sauce of all this deliciousness? Apples. It’s always apples.

16.

You really don’t want to turnover a new leaf? Fine, I’ll eat this apple turnover by myself.

17.

If you plant enough seeds, you’re bound to seed-ceed.

This is a stretch and I know it’s a stretch. Sometimes you just gotta commit.

18. One I Actually Texted Someone

“Hey can you pick up apples from the store”

“What kind”

“Idk, just use your best judge-mint“

“That’s an herb”

“…fair”

Okay that one fell apart in real time. I’m including it because honesty matters.

19.

What do you get when you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple.

20. The Granny Smith Special

My grandmother’s name is Smith and she makes the best apple pie. She’s a Granny Smith in every sense. This isn’t really a pun, it’s just a fact about my life that happens to sound like one. But I’m counting it.

21.

Stop being so seedy.

22.

Why did the apple break up with the orange? It found them too hard to concentrate.

(Juice concentrate. Orange juice concentrate. It works. Barely. Don’t look at me like that.)

23. The Niche History One

Johnny Appleseed walked across America planting trees, and honestly that’s the most fruitful road trip anyone’s ever taken. Most of his apples were actually used for cider, not eating, the trees he planted grew spitters, not eaters. So he was basically a traveling bartender. Cider note in history, really.

24.

• Apple-y ever after 🍎
• You had me at apple-o
• What’s the apple-ication process for being this cute?

25.

I’m not comparing apples to oranges. I’m comparing apples to apple-s. Which is just math.

26. A Genuine Favorite

You know what Newton and I have in common? An apple changed both our lives. His led to the theory of gravity. Mine led to a $1,200 phone I can’t afford to drop. We are not the same, but we are both fallen.

I spent way too long on this one and I think it’s actually clever. The “fallen” works for both the apple falling on Newton’s head AND the fall from financial grace. Ngl, I might frame this one.

27.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the orchard.

28.

That joke was rotten to the core.

29. For the Cider Enthusiasts

I’ve never met a problem that couldn’t be solved by sitting on a porch with a hard cider. That’s not a pun, that’s a philosophy. But fine, what did the apple say at the bar? “I’m feeling a little pressed.”

There it is. Cider is made by pressing apples. Feeling pressed means feeling stressed. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

30.

You’re the zestno wait, that’s lemons. You’re the best. Sorry, I got confused between citrus and pome fruits, which is a sentence I never thought I’d write.

31.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor’s cute, forget the fruit.

32. The Pomology Deep Cut

Did you know there are over 7,500 varieties of apples grown worldwide? That’s not a pun, that’s just a wild fact. But here’s the pun: with that much varietyyou’d think they’d stop being so conventional. (Pomology conventions are real things. Apple scientists attend them. I looked this up at 2 AM and I have no regrets.)

33.

What kind of apple isn’t an apple? A pineapple.

Sorry. That’s the kind of pun your uncle tells at Thanksgiving while everyone stares at their plates.

34.

“I think we should see other fruits.”

“But babe, we’re the perfect pear.”

“That’s… that’s a different fruit.”

“Exactly my point.”

35. The Botany Nerd Pun

Apples are part of the Rosaceae family, which means they’re technically related to roses. So when someone gives you a dozen roses, you can say, “Thanks, but I would’ve preferred their pome-kin.” A pome is the botanical term for the fruit type that includes apples. If you got that without the explanation, we should be friends.

36.

Life gave me apples, so I made apple butter. Because I’m an overachiever who doesn’t stop at sauce.

37.

I’m reading a book about apples. It’s un-put-downable. Actually it’s not. It’s a pamphlet from the farmer’s market. But the Honeycrisp chapter was riveting.

38. Another Instagram One

Feeling apple-y and I know it 🍏

39.

Why did the apple go to court? It wanted to appeal its case.

40. The Cluster of Shame

These next three are bad. I know they’re bad. Here they are anyway:

• What do you call a sad apple? A blue-berrywait, no. A mela-n-choly. (“Mela” means apple in Italian. This barely counts. I know.)
• What’s an apple’s favorite day? Fry-day. Because apple fritters.
• What did the worm say to the apple? “Thanks for letting me burrow into your life.”

41.

You can’t stem the tide of apple puns. They just keep coming.

42.

That orchard has really branched out this year.

43. The Baking Pun

My apple crumble brings all the boys to the yard. And they’re like, “This is crumb-believable.” And I’m like, it’s just butter and oats but thanks.

44.

What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Stop picking on me!

45. A Real Thought I Had at the Grocery Store

Honeycrisp apples cost like $4 a pound now. Four dollars. For a fruit that grows on trees. “Money doesn’t grow on trees” is a lie because apparently it does and it’s being charged premium pricing. Anyway, Honeycrisp? More like Money-crisp. That’s not clever but it’s honest and sometimes honesty is the best pun. (It’s not. The best pun is #26.)

46.

I’ve got a bushel of feelings about this.

47.

Why don’t apples ever get lonely? They hang out in bunches. Wait, that’s bananas. Apples hang out in… orchards? Whatever. The pun is dead. I killed it.

48.

“You’re such a bad apple.”

“Thanks, I try.”

49. The William Tell

I tried balancing an apple on my head once. My friend said, “Don’t worry, I’m a great shot.” I said, “I don’t bow to peer pressure.” He said, “That was an archery pun, not an apple pun.” And he was right. But the apple was involved so it counts. I make the rules here.

50. The Halfway-ish Celebration

We’re deep in the orchard now. No turning back.

What’s an apple’s favorite music? Hard core.

51.

I’m on a roll. An apple roll. Like the pastry. Okay that one’s just a food item, not a pun. But it made me hungry so I’m keeping it.

52. For the Texters

You’re the apple of my FaceTime 📱🍎

Send this to someone you like. If they don’t respond, they weren’t worth your orchard anyway.

53.

Some people say I’m obsessed with apples. I say I just have good taste.

54. The Obscure Cider Pun

My favorite cider apple variety is the Kingston Black. It sounds like a spy name. “The name’s Black. Kingston Black. Shaken, not scrumped.” (Scrumping is the British term for stealing apples from someone’s orchard. If you knew that already, you’re my people.)

55.

What do you call an apple with a great personality? Delicious.

(Red Delicious. Golden Delicious. The apple literally named itself for this pun.)

56.

I tried to write a song about apples but I couldn’t find the right key. Key lime. No. That’s citrus again. Okay, I couldn’t find the right note. That’s not an apple pun at all. Let me start over.

I tried to write a song about apples. It was a Fuji-tive melody. There. Done. It’s bad but it exists now.

57. The Caramel Apple

My love for you is like a caramel apple, sweet on the outside, slightly complicated to navigate, and inevitably sticky.

58.

Why did the apple pie cross the road? To prove it wasn’t crusty.

Tbh this might be the worst one in the entire list. And #33 exists. So that’s really saying something.

59.

You think these puns are too much? I think you need to let that sink inno wait, that’s not apple related. I think you need to just let it simmer. Like applesauce. On the stove. Low heat. Twenty minutes.

60. The Crispin Glover

What’s an apple’s favorite actor? Crispin Glover. (Crispin is an actual heritage apple variety, also known as Mutsu. This is a triple-layer pun if you count “crisp” hiding inside “Crispin” and the fact that Crispin Glover is genuinely a weird and wonderful human. I will not be taking questions.)

61.

I’ve been told to stop with the apple puns. But I just can’t elope.

Cantaloupe. Wrong fruit. Again. I have a problem.

62. The Sign-Off

You’ve made it to the end. Your reward is this: What did one apple say to the other apple?

Nothing. Apples can’t talk. But if they could, they’d probably say something like, “Stop making puns about us. We’re just trying to hang here.”

And honestly? Same.