Hair Puns: 60 So Good They’re Hair-Larious

Hair is the one thing people will spend $300 on and then cry about in the car afterward. I’ve been collecting hair puns for an embarrassingly long time, like, I have a Notes app folder dedicated to this. Some of these are genuinely clever. Some of them I’m including out of spite.

1. The Classic Opener

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Yeah, I know. You’ve heard it. Your dad’s said it. It’s probably embroidered on a pillow somewhere. But it’s the foundation upon which all hair puns are built, and I won’t disrespect it.

2. Shear genius.

3. The Salon Compliment

Told my stylist she was a cut above the rest and she gave me 15% off so honestly, hair puns have a measurable ROI.

4.

Why did the hair stylist win the argument? She made some really good points. With her scissors. Look, the joke works better if you don’t think about it too hard.

5. Rapid Fire Round

• You’re dye-lightful!
• I’m dye-ing to tell you something.
• It’s do or dye.

Three dye puns in a row because I have no self-control and the English language made it too easy.

6. The Instagram Caption You’re Gonna Screenshot

Let’s get this braid started 💇‍♀️

7.

I’m having a hair-larious time and I refuse to apologize for that one even though it physically hurt to type.

8. A Genuine Favorite

Fringe benefits.

This is maybe the most perfect hair pun in existence? It works on every level. It’s a real phrase. Fringe is a real hair term. No one has to groan. It just… lands. I think about this pun more than is healthy. If you have bangs and you get a raise at work, this is your moment. Please don’t waste it.

9.

“Don’t get knotty,” I said to my daughter, who was both misbehaving AND refusing to let me brush her hair. Peak parenting moment. Two birds, one detangling comb.

10. For the Bald Guys

That was a bald move.

Send this to your friend who shaved his head on impulse. He needs to hear it from someone.

11.

What do you call a hairstylist who works at the royal palace? The hair apparent.

(Side note: I spent way too long wondering if “heir” and “hair” are technically homophones or just near-homophones and then I remembered this is a pun blog, not a linguistics dissertation.)

12.

Don’t wig out!

13. This One I’m Actually Proud Of

My friend asked me what I thought about her new perm. I said it was a perm-anent improvement. She said that was the worst thing anyone had ever said to her. I said, “Perm-it me to explain, ” and she walked away.

I lost a friend but gained two puns. Fair trade.

14.

You blow me away! 💨

(Perfect post-blowout selfie caption. You’re welcome.)

15. The Deep Cut (Pun Intended)

What do you call the study of hair follicle ancestry? Hair-itage research.

16.

Strand by me.

17.

I’m just trying to comb-ine my thoughts here, but every time I sit in the salon chair, my brain goes completely blank and I say “just a trim” like a coward.

18. The Product Puns

• Mousse be love.
• Condition-al love.
• Are you gel-ous?

These are all terrible. Every single one. I’m including them because this is my blog and I’ve committed to the bit.

19.

Why was the hair always in trouble? It kept getting into a hair-y predicament.

Okay that one barely qualifies as a joke. Moving on.

20. Actual Text I Sent My Best Friend Last Week

“just got highlights. i’m dye-lightful now. don’t talk to me if you’re not ready for this energy”

She left me on read for six hours.

21.

Curl up with a good book.

22.

I told my barber his work was trim-endous and he looked at me like I’d insulted his mother. Some people just aren’t ready for wordplay at 9 AM on a Saturday.

23. The Niche Ones (For Hair Nerds Only)

What did the trichologist say to the anxious patient? “Let’s get to the root of the problem.”

If you know what a trichologist is without googling, you’re my people. (It’s a hair and scalp specialist. The field is called trichology, from the Greek “trikhos” meaning hair. See? Educational AND punny. This blog contains multitudes.)

24.

You’ve got great hair-isma!

25.

What’s a hair stylist’s favorite horror genre? Hair-raising tales.

26. One for the Group Chat

New hair, who dis? Jk it’s still me, just with a-bun-dance of volume 🫶

27.

Follicle-ing your dreams.

This is a STRETCH. I know it’s a stretch. The syllable count doesn’t even really work. But “follicle” is an inherently funny word and I’m keeping it in.

28.

It’s a shear joy to be here.

29. My Favorite Pun on This Entire List

What did the hair say to the hat? “You go on ahead, I’ll stay under cover.”

Okay, that’s not strictly a hair PUN, it’s more of a hair joke, but I don’t care. I wrote it in the shower (where all great hair-related thoughts happen) and I’ve been waiting for an excuse to use it. The double meaning of “ahead” / “a head” plus the undercover thing, look, I’m not saying it’s Shakespeare. But it’s MY Shakespeare.

30.

Comb-over here, I need to tell you something.

31.

Straighten up and fly right.

32. The Dreadful Corner

What a dread-ful situation.

This works best if the person you’re talking to actually has dreadlocks. Otherwise you’re just… saying “dreadful” weird. Context is everything in the pun game.

33.

Why did the conditioner break up with the shampoo? It was tired of always coming second.

Real quick, can we talk about how conditioner instructions always say “rinse and repeat” but nobody actually repeats? Who has that kind of time? Who has that much conditioner budget? Anyway.

34.

Locks of love. 🔒

35.

I asked my barber if he believed in fate. He said, “I believe every cut is a stylist-ic choice.” Then he charged me $45. Philosophical barbers cost extra, apparently.

36. The Hangover Classic

Hair of the dog.

This idiom is already a pun and I’m claiming it. Nobody can stop me.

37.

What do you call someone who’s obsessed with their blowout? A blow-hard.

38.

Brush up on your skills before the cosmetology exam.

39. Niche Pun #2

My keratin treatment really bonded with me.

This one’s for anyone who knows that keratin treatments literally work through protein bonding to restructure the hair shaft. The word “bonded” is doing double duty and I think that’s beautiful. Most people will just think it’s a mediocre pun about getting attached to a salon service, and tbh that reading also works.

40.

You’re hair-resistible!

41.

“How’s the new job at the salon?”
“It has its ups and downs.”
“Like what?”
“Updos and letdowns.”

42.

Cut it out! ✂️

43. The One That Took Me Embarrassingly Long to Write

What’s the difference between a bad barber and a good sculptor? One makes hair-brained schemes, the other makes brained hair schemes.

…I’m not sure this makes sense. I’ve been staring at it for twenty minutes. I’m including it because I spent too long on it to delete it. Sunk cost fallacy is real, folks.

44.

Don’t be a strand-off. Come say hi.

45.

• I’m rooting for you! (roots)
• I’m tipping for you! (split ends… tips… okay this one doesn’t work)
• I’m falling for you! (hair fall… nope, that’s just depressing)

One out of three ain’t bad.

46.

What do you call a bee with frizzy hair on a humid day? A frizz-bee.

I’m so sorry.

47. Niche Pun #3, The Obscure One

My lace front wig has really good edge control, both literally and figuratively, because my edges are finally getting a rest.

If you’re in the protective styling community, you get it. “Edges” meaning both the hairline and the concept of having your look together. This is a pun that lives at the intersection of Black hair care and wordplay and I think it’s underappreciated.

48.

Braid new day ☀️

49.

I’m totally coiffed-up in here. Haven’t left the house, but my hair looks incredible. This is what quarantine taught me, you can be a shut-in AND have salon-quality volume.

50. The Midlife Crisis Pun

I’m not losing my hair. I’m just gaining forehead.

Not technically a pun. Don’t care. It’s funny and it belongs here.

51.

Why did the ponytail feel paranoid? Someone was always ponytail-ing behind her.

52.

You’re a hair-o! 🦸

53.

What do you call a hair appointment that keeps getting rescheduled? A hair-apy session, because at this point I need therapy about it.

54. Rapid Fire: Things You Can Say at the Salon AND in a Courtroom

• “I’d like to approach the bangs.”
• “Permission to treat the roots.”
• “The evidence is split, just like these ends.”

55.

I’m feeling quite hair-monious today.

Ngl, I don’t love this one. But “harmonious” has “hair” right there at the start and it felt criminal to leave it on the table.

56.

By a hair’s breadth, she made it to her appointment on time. Her stylist was NOT amused. That woman runs a tight schedule and does not accept “traffic” as an excuse.

57.

Keep your hair on!

(This is apparently more of a British expression? I learned it from a British coworker who said it to me when I was panicking about a deadline and I thought she was commenting on my wig. She was not. It was a whole thing.)

58.

Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.

59. The Caption That Goes Unreasonably Hard

Shampoo-tiful and I know it 🧴✨

60. Last One

What did the split end say to the scissors?

“We need to stop meeting like this.”

Clip art is what my stylist calls the collection of “inspo pics” I bring to every appointment that she politely ignores. Anyway, go get a trim, you probably need one.