62 Valentines Puns That’ll Steal Your Heart
Valentine’s Day is the one holiday where you’re basically required to be corny. Like, it’s in the contract.
Halloween costume planning starts in, like, July for me. I’ll be grocery shopping and see a bag of Smarties and suddenly I’m standing in the candy aisle having a full creative breakthrough. Pun halloween costumes are the only tier of costume I respect, honestly. You’re either making people groan or you’re not trying hard enough.
Egg costume. Devil horns. Devil tail. That’s it. You’re a deviled egg. I’ve seen this one at probably nine different parties and it still lands every single time because the execution is always slightly unhinged, someone’s always used, like, a trash bag as the egg white.
You wear a foam finger, a jersey, maybe some face paint, and you carry a sign that says “GO CEILINGS! #1 FAN!” This is my favorite pun halloween costume of all time and I will die on this hill. The commitment to the bit is what makes it. You have to cheer for ceilings all night. You have to mean it.
Mini cereal boxes taped to a black shirt, plastic knife stuck through each one. Bonus points for fake blood dripping out of the Cheerios box.
Dress as a bedside table. Lamp on your head. Alarm clock around your neck. A little drawer glued to your torso. People will either get it immediately or stare at you for thirty seconds and then lose it.
“What are you supposed to be?” I’m a formal apology. *gestures at tuxedo and the giant sign that says SORRY* This one’s clean, it’s cheap if you already own a suit, and it requires zero crafting ability. Perfect for the people who decide on a costume at 6pm on October 31st.
Beret. Striped shirt. Baguette under the arm (optional but encouraged). Giant Hershey’s Kiss strapped to your chest. Très magnifique.
Glue Smarties candies all over a pair of jeans. Wear the jeans. You’re Smartie Pants. I’m not gonna pretend this is clever, it’s obvious and a little lazy and it works perfectly anyway.
Okay I genuinely love this one. You tape a road (grey fabric, yellow line down the middle) across your body, and you stick a giant novelty fork right in the middle of it. Fork. In the road. The visual is so stupid it circles back around to genius.
Angel costume. Priest collar. Whatever reads as “blessing” to you. Then throw on a Groucho Marx disguise, the glasses with the nose and mustache. That’s it. Blessing. In disguise. I genuinely think this is one of the most underrated pun halloween costumes out there.
Not the superhero. You’re just a guy ironing a shirt. Carry a real iron, wear an apron, maybe strap a tiny ironing board to your back. When someone asks if you’re Tony Stark, you look confused and hold up the iron.
A cooking pot. On your head. That’s the whole costume.
(I feel like this one peaked in 2014 but honestly it still gets laughs from anyone over 30, so.)
Butterfly wings covered in printed-out social media logos. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, whatever. Bonus: add a tiny Twitter bird somewhere and watch people argue about whether it’s called X now. Free entertainment.
My buddy Jake did this last year, “World’s Best Dad” t-shirt with a five-pound bag of Domino sugar duct-taped to his chest. He won the costume contest at a bar where the prize was a $15 gift card. He has never been more proud of anything.
Witch hat, witch dress, hand on hip, sign that says “PLEASE!” The sass is the costume.
I told my friend she should go as Taco Belle, like, a taco shell over a yellow Belle ballgown, and she actually did it and I’ve never felt more creatively validated. The taco shell was made of felt. It was beautiful. This is peak pun costume territory.
Go to a hardware store. Grab fifty grey paint swatches. Tape them all over yourself. Watch people’s faces cycle through confusion, recognition, and then the groan. The groan is the reward.
Umbrella with stuffed animals dangling from it on strings. Simple. Effective. Your arms will be tired by 9pm but that’s the price of comedy.
Wear a name tag that says “Hi, my name is LIFE.” Hand out lemons to everyone at the party. All night. Don’t break character. This is a commitment costume and I respect it deeply.
Loaf of bread costume. Gold medal around your neck. Trophy in hand. You’re a bread winner, baby.
Tbh I think the food-based pun costumes are their own genre at this point. We could do a whole separate list. But I’ll restrain myself. Mostly.
Any animal onesie + party hat + noisemaker + maybe some confetti in your pockets to throw at people. This is the costume you do when you want a pun costume but also want to be comfortable all night. I see you. No judgment.
Deer antlers. Wide, panicked eyes (commit to the expression). Flashlight or headlamp strapped to your forehead. Ngl this one’s even better if you just maintain that frozen, terrified stare all evening and refuse to explain yourself.
Bag of Lay’s taped to your shoulder. Walk around looking vaguely annoyed.
Giant eyeball costume covered in candy. Or, and this is the lazy version, just tape a bunch of candy to a shirt and wear one of those big googly-eye headbands. Either way.
Subtitle: The only couples-costume-in-one I’ll ever endorse
Bee costume. Witch hat. You’re bee-witching. This is stupid and I’m proud of it in a way I can’t fully articulate. Something about the visual of a chunky bumblebee in a pointy black hat just sends me.
Witch costume with a thought bubble (cut from poster board) hovering above your head. Write something wishful in it, “I wish I had more candy” or “I wish this party had better music.” It’s wishful thinking. Witch-ful thinking. Yeah, it’s a stretch. I’m keeping it.
Look, these three are basically the same joke with different monsters. I know. But they work as group costumes and sometimes that’s all you need.
Full mummy wrap. Carry a framed photo of someone you love. Or, darker route, carry a wire hanger and do the Joan Crawford thing. Depends on your party’s vibe and your comfort with obscure 1981 film references.
Dress as a gourd. That’s the whole thing. When people ask what you are, you clutch your face like the Home Alone kid and scream “OH MY GOURD!” This is a great standalone Instagram caption too, just post a selfie holding a pumpkin. Works year-round if you’re unhinged enough.
Any creepy costume, zombie, ghoul, whatever, with a sign that says “KEEP IT REAL” but you’ve crossed out the K and written CR. Low effort, high pun yield. The economics are sound.
Pig costume. Angel wings. Someone at every party will say “I guess pigs DO fly!” and you have to laugh like it’s the first time you’ve heard it. That’s the real costume, the performance of amusement.
Subtitle: For the person who’s already wearing Uggs anyway
Small pumpkin strapped to a Starbucks cup. Or go full pumpkin costume and carry the biggest cup of coffee you can find. This one’s been done a million times and I genuinely don’t care, it’s seasonally perfect and you get to carry coffee around all night as a prop.
Potato costume. Couch cushion under your arm. Remote control in hand. Bonus: actually sit down for most of the party and call it “staying in character.”
Not the band (though also great). Just a girl covered in spice jars. Tape some cumin, paprika, and oregano to yourself and prepare for people to lean in and read each one. Cinnamon always gets a laugh for some reason. Idk why.
Brown or green clothes (you’re a worm). Carry a book. You’re a bookworm. This is the costume for people who want to bring a book to the party and read in the corner and have an excuse for it.
You dress as a door. A literal door. Cardboard, painted brown, with a doorknob. You are a-door-able. This is terrible. I’m sorry. But also I’m not sorry because someone sends me a photo of this costume every year and it makes me laugh every time and I don’t know what that says about me.
Witch costume + compass + a confused expression. This works best for trick-or-treating honestly. Just stand at someone’s door looking bewildered and holding a map.
Ghost sheet. Carry framed photos of your friend’s exes. This isn’t really a pun, it’s more of a concept costume, but I’m including it because it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen at a Halloween party and I think about it at least twice a month.
Beauty pageant sash that reads “MISS TAKEN IDENTITY.” Tiara. Evening gloves. Walk around introducing yourself with a different name every time someone asks. The commitment to the character work is what elevates this from a C+ pun to a solid A-.
Netflix logo on a shirt. Ice cubes glued everywhere. Shivering. Old joke? Yeah. Still funny? Also yeah.
Bunch-of-grapes costume. That’s it. When someone asks how you’re doing: “I’m feeling grape.” Text it to your friends on Halloween morning with no context. Perfect standalone caption energy.
Wine bottle costume + a sign that says “QUIT IT.” Good couples costume if one of you goes as this and the other goes as Feeling Grape. Actually wait, that’s kind of a hostile couples costume. Maybe don’t.
Dress as a loaf of bread or a sheaf of wheat. Carry a sign. This is a stretch and I know it’s a stretch and I’m including it anyway because I believe in the power of grain-based wordplay even when it barely works.
Donut costume. Motivational poster energy. “DON’T GIVE UP” written across your chest but the “don’t” is a donut. Inspirational AND delicious.
Cat ears. Speech bubble that says “MEOW.” You’re the cat’s meow. Vintage slang meets lazy costume design. Beautiful.
Frankenstein’s monster costume. Carry a sign that says “Frankly, I Don’t Care.” The pedants will say “actually it’s Frankenstein’s MONSTER” and you can point at the sign again.
Subtitle: For the person who already has wild hair and wants credit for it
Just… make your hair insane. Straight up. Backcombing, spray, gel, whatever it takes to get that full Einstein-in-a-wind-tunnel look. Wear normal clothes otherwise. When asked, say you’re “hair-raising.” Is this even a costume? Debatable. Am I including it? Obviously.
Bird costume. Gummy worm in your hand. Set your alarm for 5am and tell everyone about it. Actually, this works best as a couples costume, one bird, one worm. The worm has to look scared all night.
THIS ONE. This is the group costume to end all group costumes. Three people: one’s a head of lettuce, one’s a turnip, one’s a beet. “Let us turn up the beat.” You need a boombox. You need choreography. If you do this and DON’T have a coordinated dance move ready, you’ve wasted the concept and I’ll be personally disappointed.
Ghost costume + jazz hands. That’s it. That’s the post.
Bunny ears. Lab coat. Stethoscope. Carrot. You’re simultaneously Bugs Bunny and a medical professional and honestly? The healthcare system could use the levity.
Wear a maze printed on your shirt. Name tag says “Grace.” This only works if your name is actually Grace, otherwise you’re wearing a name tag that says Grace and people think you’ve forgotten your own name. Which, at a Halloween party at midnight, is also plausible.
Wedding aisle runner as a cape. Terminator sunglasses. This is so niche and so dumb that I think it might actually be brilliant? The Venn diagram of people who get this immediately is very small and very much my target audience.
Kid in a mummy costume holding a feather duster. Or an adult, I don’t gatekeep. Cleaning supplies plus bandage wraps. It’s “mother’s little helper” but spooky. The Rolling Stones reference is in there too if you’re old enough to catch it.
Ghost sheet + a pen and notepad. You’re a ghostwriter. Walk around pretending to write everyone’s dialogue for them. “She said, entering the party with confidence she did not feel…”
Carry a small tombstone. Write “MISTAKE” on it. Walk around looking regretful. This is the costume for anyone who’s ever sent a text to the wrong person and wished the earth would swallow them. So, everyone.
Zombie makeup + a giant bell. You’re a dead ringer. I had to google whether people still know this phrase and apparently yes, but barely, so consider this my contribution to keeping idioms alive.
Corn cob costume but made of candy corn. Stick candy corn pieces all over a yellow outfit in neat little rows. This is tedious to make and annoying to wear and I think it might be my second-favorite costume on this entire list. The specificity of it. The absurdity. *Chef’s kiss.*
Coffee grinder costume. Gym clothes underneath. Hustle culture meets kitchen appliance. Post it to LinkedIn for maximum chaos.
Goblin costume. Bag of candy. Actively eating candy at all times. “I’m just goblin’ it up.” Refuse to share.
Okay I think that’s, wait, one more.
Umbrella with little paper cutouts of men dangling from it. Bonus if you play the song on a portable speaker everywhere you go. This is a commitment. This is a lifestyle. This is the energy I want at every Halloween party I attend for the rest of my life.
Anyway. If you need me in October, I’ll be at the craft store buying an irresponsible amount of felt and hot glue, trying to figure out how to make a functioning doorknob out of cardboard. Goblin’ up candy the whole time.
Valentine’s Day is the one holiday where you’re basically required to be corny. Like, it’s in the contract.
Easter is the one holiday where candy, religion, and a giant rabbit all coexist and nobody questions it. I respect that energy.
Christmas puns are the fruitcake of comedy. Nobody asked for them, most of them are terrible, and yet here I am, making a whole batch anyway because...
Birthdays are the one day a year where it’s socially acceptable to set food on fire and sing at someone.
Get the week's freshest puns, wordplay, and gloriously terrible jokes delivered straight to your inbox — no setup required.
By signing up, I agree to the Terms of Use and have reviewed the Privacy Policy.